Change is hard. They say. The great “THEY” say that it is even harder as you get older. When it comes to changing a physical location, you can say, I’m an expert at it. Only the physical move, though, everything else does seem to be getting harder.
In the past year my husband and I have moved from South Korea to Maine and then to Portland. It wasn’t that streamlined though. It went more like this: We moved from our place in Itaewon, Seoul in July of 2023, and spent two weeks driving around South Korea visiting places like Gyeongju, Namhae, and Incheon.
We had some confidence at this time. My husband had a job waiting for him in Maine, we had a savings, and I had my pension. The evidence of 7 years of teaching English in South Korea.
I am the reason we left South Korea. I had been ready to leave Korea since 2017. My first few months of teaching had been a bad experience with a bad company and a terrible school principle. The Korean staff was great, the other teachers were great, but the “boss” was terrible. A dishonest and manipulative person who treated her Korean staff far worse than the foreign staff. I heard she had finally been fired for embezzlement. It may have been a rumor how she was fired, but she was fired. However this was a few years after I had left. As a foreign teacher in South Korea you are housed which is part of the draw, but the type of housing you get has a lot to do with who employs you. My housing was abysmal, but I knew of people who had worse. I quit that job, breaking my contract within the first 90 days of my employment which was within my contract, but the “boss” requested I stay for at least 6 months claiming it was that difficult to find a replacement. I agreed, which I should not have done since later it stabbed me in the back. I wont go into the boring detail, but needless to say, I did not receive my final paycheck. Luckily, I did get the coveted Letter of Release allowing me to find work elsewhere. My next job and the job’s after were better, but I had a bitter taste in my mouth. Months before meeting Eun, I had already decided to leave Korea.
Seven Years Later
Things change. You meet people. You fall in love. You get married. You have a pandemic. Your parent gets sick. Your dog almost dies. Things happen.
Once things began to reach a base level once again, Eun and I decided to leave South Korea. Again, a lot of it was me. I never did pick up the language, and my chance of finding a job outside of teaching was low. I did manage to get a writing gig for about two months, but they stopped accepting contract writers. I was disappointed, but that is how it goes. I had hoped maybe to find another writing gig, but nothing so far has panned out. My idea was, “let’s go to Portland, OR. I have friends there.” Yet, Eun didn’t feel comfortable with that. He needed a job first. After all, that’s how normal people do it. Job first. Move second. I never worked that way. Move then figure it out. My way is more difficult and scarier.
He got the job in Maine. So we left Itaewon and did our road trip. Flew to Washington state on July 17. Spent two days in Seattle. Two weeks in Portland. Got a car loan. Bought a car using the loan and some of my pension money. We took a trip to California to see my dad. Then back up to Oregon to visit the gravesite of Sue and then we drove across the country passing through Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, Wyoming, South Dakota, Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, and finally Maine. We even stayed the night in some of those states.
For ten months we lived in a dorm with international students. We lived in downeast Maine in a rural little town named East Machias. Eun worked as a Health and Wellness teacher, a Freshman Basketball coach, and a dorm parent while I tried to reinvent myself. I took online courses through coursera trying to learn UX design. I went back to my novel that I wrote over 10 years ago, but never published. I looked for remote work online. No one wanted to hire me except online tutors. I had no transferable skills. I started teaching in 2013 as a means to travel, but it now identified me as a teacher with no other career potential. If I were younger would it be better? I don’t know. The nearest grocery store was always hiring, but it was 5 miles away. I didn’t have a license, Eun worked full time, and there was no public transportation. It took me 8 months to get my license due to logistics. I loved the beauty and nature of Maine, but I wanted to leave for a similar reason as to why I wanted to leave South Korea. I wanted opportunity to grow.
Why is it that I couldn’t find some way to be creative while I had all that freedom and time?
Poor mentality. I wasn’t lazy. I worked daily. Keeping the apartment clean. Making every meal. Laundry- the daily duties. I was writing, drawing, learning, reading and attempting to educate myself in every way possible. I was also looking for remote jobs. I even restarted my YouTube channel (which has grown a bit) but I have a poor mentality. I was never fully able to just do art or learn or be committed to being creative because I wasn’t contributing financially. I never sent my work out (writing) because I never believed I could be paid as a writer. I could never be paid for anything creative. It wasn’t for me. I was not meant for that world.
I still suffer from this thinking. I assume I will die with this mentality. It is tough to unlearn.
10 Months Later
We left East Machias on June 18th, not even a full year since we left South Korea. We packed our life into the car once again only this time we had no savings, no jobs, no home, no prospects. Eun trusted me this time, but this time I felt unsure. Very unsure. Once again we drove across America. We passed through many of the same states minus Indiana, Illinois and Iowa, and we added Michigan and Wisconsin. We had less money and more time. You could say we were foolish. If things fail you can say, “you deserve it.” If we succeed you could say we were adventurous. It is all determined by the outcome even though it shouldn’t be.
Eun is a basketball player and a coach and he found an opportunity to grow as a player and a trainer, so we spent a week in Michigan so that he could participate in this program. While in Michigan a violent windstorm passed through and a large branch broke from a tree and flew into our car damaging the passenger side. I was distraught since we hadn’t even paid for the car yet. Eun, who is more positive, reminded me that we have insurance. Still, the cost of the program, the cost of staying a week in Michigan and now the cost of the car was weighing on me. If things fail it’s my fault. That’s what played through my mind. Still we continued to make what some people may call bad choices. We kept moving forward with our travels. Staying in South Dakota to visit the Badlands and Deadwood. You can watch our journey on Youtube if you are so inclined.
We moved forward with our plan to stay in Cody, Wyoming as we visited Yellowstone, and then stayed in Montana to see Yellowstone for a few more days. We lost money having to change places to stay. One we had to change because of floods that hit Minnesota and South Dakota. We had to cancel camping stays that were meant to save money because we finally accepted the fact that our dog can’t camp. We spent more money on airbnbs because our dog needs space away from strangers and other dogs. We continued on to stay in La Grande so I could once again visit the grave of my friend Sue and to see her sister whom I hadn’t seen since the funeral 16 years ago.
Portland, OR
At the moment of writing this we have been in America for 1 year and 1 week. We have been in Portland for nearly 3 weeks. We don’t have jobs. We don’t have much money. Our car is in the shop. We have a place to stay for about two more weeks, and Eun has two more paychecks before we have nothing. We are in debt, too. We began applying for jobs our first full day in Portland. The first week was silent. Then the second week rejection e-mails and automatic rejection responses came in. Then at the end of the second week, we began to get phone interviews. Eun had some in person interviews. Our emotions which are tied to our fears and anxieties ebb and flow like the ocean tides. We celebrate an interview, we try to shrug away the rejections, and we try to ignore the silence. Eun is applying for jobs as a teacher. He is moving forward with this career. Digging into his role as a P.E. teacher and a basketball coach. This next job is going to be the one for the next few years. We want it to be a good place. As for me, it is more difficult. I am trying to transition out of being a teacher. I want to work in an office with benefits. I want to create content. To be what the digital age calls “a creative.” But, it is difficult. I am having trouble breaking in and proving I can be worthy. The place I had volunteered for 7 years didn’t give me an interview after hanging onto my resume and communicating with me for a month, and I got rejected by Barnes & Nobles. Both, writing adjacent jobs.
Will this be a story of throw caution-to-the wind-adventure with a happy ending or will it be a cautionary tale? Only time will tell. Time will tell soon as the clock is ticking. As I line this final paragraph with cliches, I want to return to the introduction that change is hard. It is very difficult to change your career especially in a rapidly changing world. 10 years ago I worked in an office, I was an office administrator, but today I am no longer an ideal candidate. It is hard not to feel dejected when you have a poor mentality. This blog drips with pathos, but it is also held together with a tenacious web of hope and perseverance. I am making progress. Pages have been written. They may not fit the timeline of the meta masses but they fit my time line which is the duration of my life. So, we will see where this path takes me.
I haven’t forgotten part three of the Huashan hike it will be posted. One day. Till then enjoy these mushrooms. They are pretty, but not the kind to open your mind. You have to do that yourself. Advise to me from me. You can use it too if you want.
An Accidental Vagabond 