Hiking Hàushān China’s Sacred Mountain: Taking the Train to Shaanxi Province Part. 2

This is part. 2. If you’d like to start at the beginning follow this link here.

No Joke, China is Crowded

There are things that I experienced in China that I will never experience anywhere else, except perhaps India, and much of this has to do with the sheer numbers of people. At every event, walk, exploration, eating and imbibing, every experience beyond the doors of your home or your work is shaped by the size of the crowd.

Americans have no idea how much space we have. We do not really know crowded. When I had moved to South Korea, other Americans would complain to me about how crowded it was in Seoul. I would think to myself, “sure its crowded“, but it isn’t China crowded. Of course, a place in America can be crowded, or the roads can be busy, and one may think that there are too many people, but imagine never getting away from the crowd. Every public space is a music festival without the music or the celebrity. I’d never experienced anything like China before or since ( I’ve never been to India) and time has faded much of my daily memories, but when I think back on my time there, I mean really think back, I can remember that I had experienced culture shock.

It was too much. Too many lights, too much pollution, too many cars, too much sound, too many people. Sometimes, I didn’t want to go outside even though I needed food. It felt otherworldly at times. As much as Chinese people would look at me as being an outsider and perhaps think I was odd in how I went about my life, I sometimes looked at them like they were mad. I would witness things that seemed beyond my comprehension. Like a man on an e-bike stacked with bricks driving against one way traffic, or fifty-plus people all scrambling to get onto a bus that was still moving. I would argue that much of the “madness” which was only my perception, was due to overcrowding. However, near the end of my time in China, my culture shock had turned into a phrase; “only in China.”

A photograph of Erqi Tower in Erqi Square in Zhenzhou, China.
Erqi Tower in Erqi Square, Zhengzhou, Henan, China.

Erqi Square

The night before the hike, Sho Boa and Xiang Kai met me at my apartment around 10:30 p.m., and from there we caught a bus to the central train station in Zhengzhou. We arrived near Erqi Square (pronounced Archie) around 11:00 p.m. Our train was scheduled to leave at 1:00 am, so we used the time before departure to shop for snacks for the trip and the hike.

Erqi Square buzzes with people all hours of the day and night. In the center of the square is Erqi Tower or Erqi Memorial Tower. Erqi means February 7th, and the square, district, and tower are all named after the Erqi (Feb. 7th) strike that occurred in 1923. The tower is two conjoined fourteen stories pentagon shaped towers that look like thin pagodas with a five pointed red star at the top. It stands out as the only building of Chinese architecture with sweeping eaves that curve up at the corners. At night the tower is lit up and competes with all the other lit up buildings. Zhengzhou is never dark at night. We wandered around the square posing in front of the tower and taking pictures in the light rain to memorialize our upcoming adventure. After taking photos we wandered into the station.

Two friends in China posing in front of Erqi Tower in Zhengzhou.
Xiang Kai and Sho Boa in front of Erqi Tower, Zhengzhou.

Zhengzhou Central Train Station

Zhengzhou’s Central train station is a national hub and considered the busiest station in China, which is saying a lot. To put it mildly, the place is crazy. The station is part of the Beijing-Guangzhou Railway and Longhai Railway, which means that if you are taking the train to anywhere in China, you will most likely transfer in Zhengzhou. The place is a nightmare, especially during the day. Aside from the overwhelming throngs of people pushing, shoving, and running through the station, and the difficulty of the language there’s the bathrooms. On this particular visit I was with two Chinese friends who took care of the language obstacles, and it was 1:00 p.m. when our train was to arrive, so the crowds were less in between arrival and departure times. However, the bathroom, I had to contend with on my own. It’s been nearly ten years since I have been there so chances are things have changed, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the bathroom was the same.

The Bathroom

China (at the time) still uses pit toilets and squat toilets. There are places with sitting toilets, but many, many places use squat toilets. This in and of itself isn’t too much of an issue. You can get used to it, but the toilets in the train station were something else. The station has what is called long-drop toilets, and they are communal troughs meaning no doors. They did have dividing walls, so I didn’t have to squat right next to a person, but there were no doors, so there was no privacy.

To use the toilet I had to stand with my feet on either side of the trough as a river of piss and shit flowed under me toward what I assumed to be an exit into a sewer system. I absolutely hated using this bathroom, not only because it was dirty, and I was never good at squatting, but the lack of privacy was my biggest issue. Since I was a foreigner in China, I experienced a lot of staring and this did not stop when I was using the toilet. There were times I felt like I was an animal in a zoo, and my experience in the Zhengzhou station was one of those times.

Not every person that walked by would stare, but the few that did would strain to look at how I actually peed, as if they were wondering if I had the same parts as them. It may have been only two women that did this to me as they walked by, but one was enough. Why would the bathrooms be like this? My guess is that it is easier to clean. Bring in some power washers and spray the whole place down. But when squatting over a trough, trying to keep balance without touching the dividing walls and straining to hold my knees together so that a stranger walking by can’t stare at my vagina as I peed was just the beginning of this trip. A trip that I thought was going to be a spiritual grief healing experience.

A bag of Chinese snacks on a chair in the Zhengzhou train station.
Snacks for the hike.

Differences in Thought Process

At the mini market Sho Boa picked up some dried noodles, chicken feet, and some hardboiled eggs. We also grabbed some instant porridge and instant coffee along with some water. I wanted some trail mix but wasn’t able to find any. I was concerned that the food we had wasn’t going to be enough sustenance for such a huge hike, but Sho Boa insisted that this was what him and his college friends ate when going on hikes.

“In China this is what we bring to eat on a hike.” He said.

I had to take him at his word. We argued a lot in the store as to what would be the best to eat, but I acquiesced telling myself I was having a Chinese experience and I needed to embrace it. Although my gut was telling me this food was not going to be enough to fuel me. It isn’t always easy to have an authentic experience of a culture that is new and foreign to you, no matter how easy it looks in the movies. So, Chicken feet it was.

The Cheapest Train

As I had said before: Every event, walk, exploration, eating and imbibing, every experience beyond the doors of your home or your work is shaped by the size of the crowd. Every national monument, museum, park, train, pilgrimage, and hike is shaped by the size of the crowd. Money will buy you space, but you need a lot of money, and we didn’t have a lot of money, especially Sho Boa.

Since Sho Boa didn’t have a lot of money he insisted that we take the cheapest slowest train. Xiang Kai and I were teachers, and we had a livable salary, but Sho Boa worked as an office assistant; a runner. The bosses were always telling him to run and get this, run and get that, run and go there, run and go here, and they did not pay him well. I could understand that lack of money would prompt him to choose the cheapest train. However, I suspected that even if he had money, he would still have insisted we take the cheapest train.

What makes the cheapest train cheap are its number of stops and rate of speed. At the time, I was clueless about exactly how slow a slow train was. I knew it was an overnight train and that it would take 8 to 9 hours to get to Huàshān, but I was not aware that a faster train would get us there in 3 to 4 hours. I also was not aware of what the traveling conditions on the train would be like. The idea was to sleep on the train and then to start our hike in the morning. I was fine with an overnight train, but Sho Boa bought regular seats not sleeping compartments, again to save money.

The interior of the Zhengzhou train station after midnight.
Zhengzhou Central Station after midnight.

A Crowded Train

I did not sleep on the train for multiple reasons. Number one, the train was packed. On the cheap trains, once all the seats are sold, they continue to sell tickets, and the prices for standing are the same as the prices for seats. So there are people standing in the aisles for up to eight hours. People are crowded in the aisles leaning over the people in the seats all waiting for the moment when someone gets up so they can take the open seat. There is no space, and no fresh air, and if you do get up to use the bathroom you have to climb over people crumpled in the aisle way. When you return you have to argue with the person who took your seat to give you your seat back, which they will do, but they certainly don’t want to give it back, and I can understand why. They paid the exact same amount as you. People are constantly switching seats around every time someone leaves in the hopes that they can sit for a couple of minutes. When you are sitting you have people leaning against you or over you.

We were in a section of six seats. Two rows of three facing each other. Shawn and I were able to sit across from each other but Xiang Kai had to find a seat somewhere else on the train. I am bigger in size than your average Chinese woman, but I am also smaller in size and sometimes width of your average Chinese man. All the seats were occupied by men, sleeping men who were man spreading like cheerleaders doing the splits. These men took every inch of space available leaving me with very little room, and since I did not have the Chinese power of sleeping in impossible places, I was awake for the entire 8 to 9 hour train ride. I was the only foreigner and only white woman in the car, and quite possibly the train. In these situations I would often encounter staring and some people would sneak or blatantly take my photo, but at 1:00 in the morning on a crowded warm train, no one cared about me, other than the fact that I was sitting and my seat was valuable.

When we left Zhengzhou it was crowded with all the seats occupied and some people sleep-standing in the aisles. Once we reached Luoyang, it became more crowded and people were nearly sitting on top of each other. One man slept precariously balanced on the top of my seat and draped over me like a throw blanket.

At one point, a group in the section across from us, who all seemed to be traveling together, had people sitting on top of the backrest. They were laughing, and loudly playing a game, and watching programs on their phones at full volume. Sho Boa who was sitting across from me leaned forward.  Thumbing his hand in their direction he said, “Look at them. What do they think they are in? Their house?” He gave them a brief scowl and then quickly feel asleep. I watched him slumber with an envious anger and an incredible urge to kick him awake so he could suffer like I was suffering. Xiang Kai was in a separate car, but had mentioned he had managed to sleep.

Packaged chicken feet in a convenient store in China.
Packaged chicken feet.

Huanyin City, 7:00 a.m.

When we arrived in Huayin City at 7:00 in the morning, I had not slept one wink. Exhausted, I followed the two rested men to hike a mountain peak, that unknown to me at the time, was 7,000 ft.

We had boarded the train around 1:00 am and arrived around 8:30 a.m. We took a taxi from the Huayin station to the village at the base of the mountain, and finally began our hike around 9:00 a.m. We had three large bottles of water, some strange meat paste, a few bready bits of snack food, and a bag of spicy chicken feet.

I was hungry, exhausted, and irritable due to lack of sleep, but I was also very excited. I was about to hike Mt. Hua, China’s most dangerous mountain. Did I know it was considered the most dangerous mountain to hike? Kind of. Word to the wise from the foolish: Do your own research.

Check back for part 3.

Hiking China’s Sacred Mountain Hàushān: A Journey to Healing Grief, Part. 1

Huashan mountains viewed through the clouds.
Hiking above the clouds
It took us another eight hours of climbing vertical steps through damp vertical caves and along precarious edges of steep cliff sides. Sho Boa was our guide. He wanted to race to the top of the mountain, often criticizing Xiang Kai and me if we wanted to sit for a moment, or if we were moving too slowly. I was grateful to have Xiang Kai on my side. 

Sho Boa claimed he was the true hiker among us. He was climbing the mountain to defeat it. His desire to reach the peak and reach the bottom in the fastest time possible meant he was a conqueror. I’m not this person. I wanted to sit and reflect and bask in nature and observe the multitudes of people around me. I wanted to meditate and reflect. Mt. Hua was one of China's 5 sacred mountains. I wasn't from China, and when would I ever be back? I wanted to absorb it all in, but between the enormous crowds and Sho Boa's constant insistent pushing, hiking Hua Shan felt more like a military drill than a joyous hike. I didn’t know what was going on in Xiang Kai’s mind except that he wanted to stop and sit as much as I did. From time to time, Xiang Kai would shoot me look of irritation and disdain. "Ignore him," he’d say, "let’s sit, make him wait."

My Mother Died While I Was Teaching in China

It isn’t easy to lose a parent under any circumstance. Whether you lose them when you are young, or when they are very old. Whether you lose them to a long lingering illness or to a sudden accident. Each type of death results in the same thing. Your parent is dead and death is for the living to deal with. If I could have chosen how my mom died, I would have picked that she lived at least to her 80’s, and that she had a full joyful life, and that old age had finally decided that it was time for her to go. I would have sat beside her, holding her hand, telling her that I was going to be fine and that she could let go. That’s what I would have chosen. We don’t get to choose.

My mother was found dead on the floor of her bedroom. I wasn’t at her bedside. I was in China getting ready for my classes when I checked a Facebook message telling me to Skype a friend of hers: “that it was important”. Her life had been difficult and full of heartbreak, loss, grief, and addiction. Her greatest fear was to die alone and that is exactly how she died. The death certificate said it was a methamphetamine overdose. My only sliver of consolation regarding her death is that it may have been quick and painless. I hope she didn’t have a moment to know she was dying, so that she didn’t know she was alone at her death. We don’t get to choose. We get what we get.

A peek of a mountain top through the clouds from 1,000 meters up.
1,000 meters halfway point to the peak.

Invited to Hike Huashan

The Five Sacred Mountains

Located in Shaanxi Province, not too far from Xi’an (place of the terra cotta warriors), Huashan is the Western Mountain of the 5 sacred mountains of China. The five mountains are Taishan (泰山), the East mountain in the Shangdong province; Hengshan (衡山), the South mountain in the Hunan province; Hengshan (恒山), ( not a mistake it has the same name in pinyin, but is different in Chinese) the North mountain in the Shanxi province; Songshan (嵩山) the Center mountain in Henan province; and Huashan (華山) the West mountain in the Shaanxi province. During my first month in China, I went to Sōng Shān while visiting the Shaolin Temple, but at the time I was not aware of the mountain’s sacred significance.

There are many sacred mountains in China for example Buddhism has four of its own sacred mountains, and Taoism also has four of its own sacred mountains. All of these mountains have been places of pilgrimages throughout Chinese history, and are the subjects of many paintings and poems. The Five Sacred Mountains, also called The Five Great Mountains, have been connected to imperial pilgrimages performed by Chinese emperors. The mountains are connected to the Supreme God of Heaven and the Five Highest Deities. Which may explain many of the stunning temples and hermitages built on the side of Mt. Hua.

A view of the path on the western mountain of Huashan.
At 1,000 meters. If you look carefully you can see people walking on the blade of a mountain pass.

HuaShan

Huashan, Huà Shān, Hua Mountain, Mount Hua, and “number one steepest mountain under heaven”, however you say the name, it is all the same glorious mountain. Huà in Chinese means flower and shān means mountain, so the literal translation is flower mountain or 華山 flowery mountain. It is said to get its name from the five mountain peaks that look like a lotus flower.

Huashan was close enough to travel to in a day, but proximity does not equal facilely. Its reputation as one of the five sacred mountains is “China’s most dangerous”. It’s difficult to find exact numbers as to how many casualties and deaths may have occurred on Mount Hua, but after my own experience hiking it, I can assume that the number could be relatively high. Sho Boa said that you can’t find any numbers because the government doesn’t want the public to know the casualty rate because they don’t want to deter tourism. I don’t know if he meant city, provincial, or country government, but with the sketchy conditions, and population of inexperienced climbers (myself include), and the trash left behind, a little negative advertisement might be a good thing.

My Own Sacred Pilgrimage

As an outsider to China, it was easy to attach myself to the romantic connotations associated with ancient Chinese traditions. Taoist beliefs and Buddhist rites of passage have a mystic allure to a foreigner like myself. It was easy to imagine myself like the female version of Brad Pitt in Seven Years in Tibet or Bill Murray’s, Larry Darrell in The Razor’s Edge.

I envisioned myself reaching the peak of the mountain. In a moment of reverie sunlight breaks through the clouds or rises over the crest. I am filled with a sense of peace, gratitude, and a higher understanding of what life is about. Questions as to why we are here, and why I am here are answered. Then I feel a dawning acceptance of my mother’s death. I understand why she died like she did, and why I wasn’t able to save her. I know that death like life is beautiful.

Sadly, but not surprisingly, I did not reach this zenith of enlightenment. I was not awash in answers. I was achy and irritable. In fact, in retrospect, the entire journey from the city to the peak and back was farcical. I was more like John Goodman in the Big Lebowski than anything else, or The Dude maybe. Perhaps my journey was to feel exactly what I felt; achy, despondent, irritable, depressed, frightened, exhausted, in pain, befuddled, grieving, and longing for my mother to be alive. Of course, before the hike I didn’t know I was going to feel anyway other than joyful; and whatever enlightenment feels like.

A bright red prayer ribbon tied to budding blossoms on trees.
A wish for peace

The evening we were to leave, I poured some of my mom’s ashes (that I had brought with me from America) into a small box and put them in my backpack. If I made it to the peak then I would leave that little part of her there on that mountain top. It would be the closest I’d ever get to the stars. If I made it.

I read that it was a dangerous and steep hike. The highest mountain I’ve ever hiked. At least up to that point. I wasn’t sure which peak were were going to tackle, but Sho Boa insisted he had it all figured out, so I packed my bag, and waited for Sho Boa and Xiang Kai to meet me at my apartment. Our overnight train was at 1:00 a.m., but Sho Boa wanted us to get there around 11:00 p.m. so that we could pick up some snacks for the trip.

I had no idea what I was in for, but again, in retrospect, if I had a better idea of what was ahead of me, I would have taken a nap.

Continued…

Sharp mountains reach toward a gray sky. Bright green foliage grow around stones.
Base of Huashan

Travel to Suwon City and Hwaseong Fortress

Suwon is south of Seoul, South Korea. It is about 45 minutes to an hour away depending on your choice of travel. It is the capitol city of Gyeonggi-do (경기도) or Gyeonggi province. 도 (pronounced Doh) in this context means province. South Korea has 8 provinces, 6 metropolitan cities that act as their own entities, a self-governing province which is an island-Jeju-do (here 도 means both province and island) and special cities like Seoul and Sejong. Sejong is a special autonomous city in South Korea which I don’t really understand, but its meant to be a second capital, or something like that. I never had the chance to travel there while I had lived in South Korea.

It took me about 4 years to figure out that Seoul is surrounded by Gyeonggi-do. This is because I used to live in Suwon, which is south of Seoul. I assumed Seoul was north of Gyeonggi province. Then while living in Seoul we took a trip to see the 5 Royal Tombs in Goyang in Gyeonggi-do which is north of Seoul. Suwon is south of Seoul and Goyang is north, yet both Suwon and Goyang are in Gyeonggi-do. It was very confusing until I finally just looked at a map. Basically, if Seoul and Inchon weren’t considered special cities they’d be a part of Gyeonggi-do.

When I lived in Gwanggyo, a city within Suwon, within Gyeonggi-do, it took about 40 minutes to reach Gangnam via the subway. During the weekends, I would often travel to Seoul to explore, so it wasn’t until a year after we moved to Seoul that we finally made it to the Suwon Fortress also called Hwaseong Fortress (Brilliant Fortress), also called Suwon Hwaseong Fortress. Why so many names? It could be because there is a city in Gyeonggi-do that is right next to Suwon named Hwaseong, and both cities which used to be farmland have grown so much over the years, and where the fortress was originally built has gone through name changes. It’s confusing, but to clarify, Hwaseong Fortress is in Suwon city not Hwaseong city.

Our first stop was to look at a Hanok building at the Suwon Technology Exhibition hall and the Suwon Center for Traditional Culture. Eun had been taking some carpentry classes, and was interested in learning about the design and architecture behind these traditional Korean homes. So we decided to spend a little time learning about hanoks before exploring the fortress.

According to information given at Suwon Technology Exhibition hall hanoks were first designed during the Joseon Dynasty in the 14th century. The home or building is designed with the elements and the seasons in mind. This kind of planning is called baesanimsu. It brings to mind Feng Shui which would make sense given China’s influence over ancient Korea. Similar to Feng Shui, it is about the perfect harmony between the elements. It’s all about building the good energy. The houses were (and are as the tradition is still alive) different depending on in what part of Korea they were built. In the south, the layout of a house is different from ones in the north. The north is colder, so the design is square with a courtyard in the middle in order to keep the heat in (You can see an example of this style in my post from visiting a tea house in the Hanok village in Bukchon,) whereas if you travel to the south where it is warmer, the design is created to allow more airflow, so they are open and often L shaped. The most ideal elemental design is to have a mountain in the back and a river in the front, which is really close to my dream home of a mountain in the back and an ocean in the front; Pacific Northwest style. The hanok that we visited, before exploring the fortress, was a modern hanok built as a museum to educate people on the history and craftsmanship of these homes.

We wandered around this hanok, picking up literature on the history, and took photos of the onggi pots, where kimchee is traditionally fermented, then afterwards we walked toward the wall of the fortress.

It was meant to be the new capital when the fortress was built over 200 years ago. Long before Seoul was officially called Seoul it was Hanyang or Hanseong. King Jeongjo the 22nd king of the Joseon dynasty wanted to move the capital from Hanyang to Suwon. The reason being that the proximity to the Yellow Sea and China was better for commerce, and the King believed he could make changes to better the Dynasty, and moving to Suwon was a step in this direction of his reforms.

The Hwaseong Fortress was not only the beginning of a new capital, but it was a military complex and a burial place for his father Prince Sado. It was built between 1794 and 1796 (when John Adams became the 2nd U.S. president) by King Jeongjo of the Joseon Dynasty to remember his father who was executed by his grandfather, King Yeongjo. If you’re interested in more information on the history of this execution by rice, you can search Prince Sado and begin the descent into the rabbit hole of Joseon history. There are also many Korean dramas that tell the story like The Throne and The Secret Door.

The location of the fortress although a strategic choice also fulfills the baesanimsu with a mountain in the back and a river in the front.  It has been designated as a UNESCO world heritage site because according to UNESCO, “It is an outstanding example of early modern military architecture.” It’s pretty fun to think of how many UNESCO sites Eun and I have visited here in South Korea.

It has many defensive features and was almost impenetrable except for the part facing the river. Due to this possible exposure to enemies the King had watergates with iron bars built along the parts of the wall that cross the river. What you can see today are canons, and towers with windows where soldiers could shoot arrows, along with beacon towers that would have been lit to warn about a coming enemy.

It took three years to build Hwaseong, and was built with the latest technology of the times, and it incorporated eastern and western architectural design elements. Two other aspects that make it unique and a part of UNESCO’s heritage list is its military and commercial functions along with it being built over mountains and a river. It influenced Korean architecture for years to come.  It never did become the new capital though, because soon after it was completed the King died.  If you are interested in architecture, in particular military architecture, I recommend starting with this wikipedia page and continuing on from there. The page gives a lot of detail on all parts of the fortress. It was built to withstand war and invaders, but of course King Jeongjo and those who designed it had no idea of the violence, weaponry, and destruction that would come from the 20th century wars.

The view along the walk toward the NE side of the fortress.
Hwahongmun the Northern Floodgate

A Devastating History

During the Korean War up to 60% of the fortress had been damaged. It was reconstructed in the 1970’s using the “Records of Hwaseong Fortress Construction” that were written in 1801 not long after the king had died. It is not visible to the untrained eye as to what parts had been rebuilt and which are authentic. Having learned about this destruction while visiting the Hwaseong Fortress, reminded me of visiting parts of Germany and Poland. Cities like Nuremberg and Warsaw, that were 85% to 95% destroyed yet recreated to such historical accuracy that one would never know that bombs had been dropped on the streets where you stood. Suwon, like Seoul had been taken by the North Korean army very early into the war. What many people outside of Korea don’t know is that 5 million people lost their lives, more than half of whom were civilians. Much of the fighting was around Suwon which is only 45 kilometers away from the capital where the first invasion took place. Yet, today, walking the battlements of this ancient wall that was built over 200 years ago, and is still standing after multiple Japanese invasions; destruction during Japanese colonization; attacks during WWII; and then lastly the Korean War, if you didn’t know the history, you would never know what had happened here. You cannot tell that these walls had ever fallen nor that in 2006 an arsonist tried to burn one of the towers down.

I know that we didn’t walk the nearly 4 miles around the fortress, but we spent about four hours out there that day. I did much of my research after the visit which is too bad since knowing a history of a place while visiting makes it all the more interesting. We started our exploration at Janganmun Gate which is the north gate of the city. Unfortunately, the air was not that good on the day we visited. The pollution levels were a bit high and the photos have that reflective glare that one gets when the sunlight is filtered through smog.

Yongyeon pond and Dongbukgakru command post.

At the time of our visit Janganmun Gate was under some reconstruction, so we were not able to see the interior of the gate, but we were able to go inside the pavillon on the top of the gate where the gaurds would have rested in between sentry duty. From the north gate we headed toward the east.

Yeonmudae also named Dongjangdae. This is the eastern command post.

We walked half-way around the wall, mainly sticking to the wall itself and not going into the interior parts of the city. We will have to make another trip out to explore more extensively; especially now, knowing more about the fortress and its history.

Yeonmudae stone steps
Posing in front of Yeonmudae
East gate of Dongjangdae the command post.
Flags at Changnyongmun the east gate.

We made it a little past the east gate also called Changnyongmun, (also called Dongmun) before we started to get hungry and also before it got too dark. Our visit to the fortress was in the late fall and night began early. On the way we passed an archery field called Dongbuknodae where soldiers were intended to practice their archery. Today, for 2,000 won (about $1.75) you can try to shoot an arrow and step into the ghostly shoes of Joseon soldiers.

We reached the east gate and wandered along this portion of the wall and explored towers and crossbow platforms. We rested in a pavilion called Dongilporu, and watched the sun set behind the mountain.

Changnyongmun Gate, also known as Dongmun, is the eastern gate of Hwaseong.

As soon as the sun dropped out of view the air quickly dipped from comfortable to chilly, and we decided to end our exploration due to the chill, the dark, and we were both hungry. We headed back toward the North gate and cut away from the wall. We were not certain as to which side of the wall were were on at one point, but we allowed our noses to guide us toward food. What we could smell was fried chicken. Which made sense since Suwon has a street called Chicken Street that is famous for fried chicken.

Bongdon signal beacons

By way of back roads we walked past dilapidated homes and empty lots. We wandered through small markets and then found our way back toward the wall. Using GPS we found our way to Chicken Street which was also part of this trip’s visit. I wrote a post on chicken street here.

We saw less than half of the fortress. If you want to see everything in a day you’ll need to come early as there is much to see. Along with the many features on the wall itself there are also the places within the walled city, including the tomb of Prince Sado, the palaces, and the shrines. It is our intention to return, and of course if you make your way out to the Fortress you must also visit Chicken Street for some excellent fried chicken.

Sunset in Suwon

If you are looking for day trips to take outside of Seoul this is a good one. Depending on where you are staying it is 45 minutes to an hour subway/bus ride outside of Seoul. Seoul is a fun city to visit and travel to, but if you make it as far as South Korea, it is in your best interest to see what is also offered outside of Seoul.

Till next time.

Accidental Vagabond

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What Are the Five Grand Palaces of Seoul?

Hyangwonjeong Pavilion

Sources are listed below. If you’d like more information on a certain subject click on the bold text and it will take you to a source. There are hundreds of blog posts on The 5 Grand Palaces, anyone of them will tell you about each palace, including this one. However, this blog is pretty selfish, since I talk about me.

I lived in Seoul from 2018 to 2023, and during that time I visited three of the 5 grand palaces. Two questions that may arise from this statement may be, “What are the 5 grand palaces”, and “you were in Seoul for five years, why only three palaces?”

I’m glad you asked.

What are the 5 Grand Palaces? 

The Joseon Dynasty, also seen written in English as Chosŏn, was the longest and last imperial dynasty of Korea. It was founded in 1392, (100 years before Christopher Columbus took credit for discovering America) by King Taejo, who was previously known as the general Yi Seong-gye. Yi Seong-gye declared himself the ruler of the new dynasty after overthrowing, exiling and then secretly killing, the king of the Goryeo Dynasty, which had been around for 475 years. Not a bad run, Goryeo. He ascended to the throne as King Taejo, marking the start of the Joseon Dynasty, which would last for approximately five centuries until 1910, about 40 years longer than Goryeo. Put into some context of time, as of writing this post in 2023 the United States isn’t even 250 years old. We haven’t even made it halfway. Yet we act like we know it all. The capital was initially established in Hanyang, which is present-day Seoul. During the 500 plus year reign 5 palaces were built between 1395 and 1617. However all 5 palaces have been subjected to destruction through invasions, wars, uprisings, and occupations, so new buildings and expansions had been constructed over the course of the 500 years. There have also been many renovations and later reconstructions that have continued up until today.

Why Only Visit 3 palaces in 5 years?

Although all 5 palaces are relatively close to each other, and not too far from where I lived, living in a place and visiting/vacationing in a place are two different things. Just like living anywhere your days are consumed by work and daily tasks and dull responsibilities and desperate moments of escape through Netflix and other streaming services. When it came to vacation time we often would leave Seoul to explore other places. I did try to see all the palaces, but due to confusion, I ended up visiting Gyeonbok palace multiple times, when I probably could have been visiting the remaining 2, more on this later.

Korean chimneys at Amisan garden in Gyeonbuk palace.
Amisan garden with Chimneys. Built in 1869. Korean National treasure No. 811
  • Gyeongbokgung Palace:
    • Constructed in 1395, Gyeongbokgung was the first palace built during the Joseon Dynasty and served as the main royal palace.
  • Changdeokgung Palace:
    • Initially constructed in 1405, Changdeokgung was later expanded and became one of the main palaces in Seoul. It served as a secondary palace to Gyeongbokgung.
  • Changgyeonggung Palace:
    • Originating in the Goryeo Dynasty (built in 1104) and transformed during the Joseon era. Changgyeong was built on the site of and renovated from parts of the summer palace “Suganggung” of the Goryeo Dynasty. Changgyeonggung underwent a name change and several reconstructions. It served various purposes over the centuries, including as a residence for queens and concubines, and as a temporary residence for the Japanese governor-general during the colonial period.
  • Deoksugung Palace (Gyeongungung):
    • Initially constructed in the late 16th century, Deoksugung served different roles throughout its history, including as a residence for King Seonjo and later as a temporary royal residence during the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
  • Gyeonghuigung Palace:
    • Established in 1617, Gyeonghuigung served as a secondary palace and underwent multiple reconstructions. It was the last of the Five Grand Palaces to be built. Although, not the last to be completed.
Geunjeongjeon Hall or the Throne Hall of Gyeongbok palace in Seoul, South Korea.
Geunjeongjeon Hall

The Palaces and My Visits

14th Century

Gyeongbokgung (Gyeongbok Palace) was the first of the five Grand Palaces of Seoul to be built during the long 500 plus years’ reign. Gyeongbokgung was built in 1395, and it is the largest of all five. Its architecture and design is magnificent and bold. The wood structures are bright reds and blues and the fired clay tiled rooftops sweep like the upturned wings of birds of prey. Small intricate carvings adorn the tiles, and each end beam is painted with colorful patterns.

 bridge to the Royal Banquet Hall Gyeonghoeru

There is a lot to Korean architecture much like the Chinese and Japanese there is a purpose and meaning behind the building. In Korea it has a lot to do with nature and something called geomancy which I plan to write about at a later time. The structure is conspicuous with its impressive gates, halls, and tall beams and beautiful gardens. It is the largest of all five of the Grand Palaces, and every website and blog that I visited claimed it to be “arguably the most beautiful”. I do believe one can argue this remark as beauty is subjective. I don’t know if it’s the most beautiful overall, but it is large and has some beautiful parts, nothing is ugly, but most beautiful is as I said, subjective. However, I do believe it is one of the most popular of the five and most visited. 

As mentioned, the palace was originally built in 1395, that’s almost 100 years before Columbus stumbled onto an already inhabited land and claimed it for Spain. In the 16th century (1592 to be more exact) the palace was demolished and destroyed by the Japanese, and not reconstructed until 1867, the same year that Alaska was purchased from Russia. 

During the Japanese occupation of the 20th century, the Japanese destroyed or dismantled all but 10 of the original buildings, and then to add insult to injury they built the Imperial Government building on the site of the palace and directly in front of Geunjeongjeon Hall the former throne room of the Kings of the Joseon Dynasty. In this way the Korean’s not only lost their independence and didn’t know if they had a future they also were denied a view of their past. Why would the Japanese not destroy all evidence of the palace? One could argue that they kept what they thought was the most beautiful for themselves, like the pavilion and the surrounding garden. During the occupation the throne room was often used as an exhibition hall taking away all sense of authority and reducing it to a commercial space. Long after the occupation, which ended with WW2 for obvious reasons, and the devastation of the Korean war; restoration of Gyeongbuk began in 1989. The Japanese General Government building was demolished in 1995.

I’ve visited this palace at least seven times.
  • My first visit to Gyeonbokgung was in the spring of 2017. At the time, I was living in Gwanggyo, which is a city in Gyeonggi, a neighboring province. It is about an hour away from Seoul by subway. During my first visit, I didn’t enter the gate but wandered about the East side of the palace near the National Folk Museum
  • My second visit was in the summer of 2017. I was still living in Gwanggyo, and during this visit I went with a friend of mine who had been living in Dongcheon, another small city in Gyeonggi-do. On the weekends we would often meet up on the subway and then take the Shinbundang line into Seoul. On this particular visit we entered through the East side but only took a few pictures inside the outer courtyard or oejeon where you can see the inside of the Gwanghwamun Gate (southern and main gate) and the outside of Heungnyemun Gate which is the second gate of the palace that will lead you into the inner court or naejeon.  
  • On my third visit to Gyeonbukgung, also in the summer of 2017, I finally went inside the second gate (Heungnyemun) and onto the palace grounds. Visit three was also with a friend of mine that was visiting from Masan, a small city in the southern part of South Korea. Aside from seeing more of the palace during this visit we also partook in a tea ceremony. 
  • My fourth visit was in the fall of 2018. At this time I had moved to Seoul and lived about a 30 minute bus ride from Gyeonbukgung. A friend of mine had come to visit from China, and we visited the palace, but only the outer courtyard.
  • My fifth visit was in the spring of 2019 when some friends from Prague (Czechia) came to visit. Now, on this visit I selfishly tried to take them to Changdeokgung because I wanted to see the secret garden, but I got the Hyangwonjeong Pavilion confused with the Huwon or Biwon also known as “the secret garden”.

The reason for my confusion was because during my 2017 visit the pavilion was under construction, and my brain had decided that this was the secret garden. I never bothered to look it up. I also just never remembered which palace it was that I kept visiting, so when I arrived for the fifth time, I remember thinking, “ah damn, I always come to the same palace.” My friends of course had never been to any of the palaces so it was fine. The pavilion was still under construction.

A woman poses in front of Heungnyemun the second Gate of Gyeongbokgung in Seoul, South Korea.
  • My sixth visit took place in the spring of 2023. Probably, for the first time in my many visits to Gyeonbukgung, I went intentionally. The unknown and fear of the pandemic was in the rearview mirror, and more and more things had opened up. For the first time since I had moved to Seoul Gyeonbukgung was open in the evening. Eun and I went together for this summer event. 
A night photograph of Gyeonghoeru the Royal banquet hall or Gyeongbok palace, Seoul, South Korea.
Gyeonghoeru, The Royal Banquet Hall lit up at night
  • My seventh and final visit was in the summer of 2023. I again went intentionally, this time to finally see the Hyangwonjeong Pavilion which had been under construction since my first visit inside the palace in 2017.
The Hyangwonjeong Pavilion in the background, March 2023

15th Century

Changdeok palace was constructed in 1405, as a secondary palace to Gyeongbokgung, nearly 90 years before Columbus crashed into the Bahamas. After its initial construction the palace complex was expanded and it became the most favored by Korean kings from the late 15th century onwards. Known for its beautiful rear garden blending with the natural landscape which is part of geomancy. It is also the location of the famous Secret Garden, Biwon (비원) in Korean. This garden was built as a place for the royal family and women of the palace to relax and enjoy. Changdeokgung was badly damaged during the Imjin War the 1592-1596, and 1597-1598 a series of invasions by the Japanese. If you recall, Gyeongbokgung was destroyed in 1592, which would make Changdeokgung the primary palace by default. Although, Changdeokgung was also badly damaged in the wars which would mean that the main palace would have to be moved yet again to Changgyeongung which it’s lucky they already had the palace built; more on that next. Changdeokgung was rebuilt in 1609 (two years after Jamestown had been settled), but was damaged again when it was burnt down in 1623 by a military coup. Changedeokgung has been damaged multiple times over the centuries, however during each reconstruction it has remained true to its original form and because of this authenticity it was added to the list of UNESCO world heritage sites in 1997.

  • This is one of the palaces I never had the chance to visit. In fact, part of the reason I visited Gyeongbukgung so many times is because I kept trying to visit Changdeokgung, but got confused. They are not that far from each other and when looking on a map they look quite close. In fact, you use the same subway line to get there. It is possible to walk from Gyeongbukgung to Changdeokgung. In actuality all 5 of the palaces are in relative walking distance, but if you are short on time or don’t want to walk 45 minutes (I said relative as in meaning possible) the buses are a great way to go from palace to palace. 
  • I regret not seeing this palace as its reputation for beauty is high. Plus the famous secret garden which you have to purchase a second ticket to enter, so you need to time your purchase and entrance right, especially during the crowded summers. This timing thing has never been a forte of mine. A friend and I did try to make it to Changdeokgung in my last month of living in Seoul, but it was during the Royal Cultural Festival and all the tickets to Changdeokgung and Gyeonbokgung had been sold out. Alas. 

15th Century

It was first called Suganggung and was built in 1104 during the Goryeo reign as a summer palace for King Sukjong of the Goryeo dynasty. After Yi Seong-gye defeated Goryeo he resided in Suganggung until Gyeongbukgung was built. A side note, Kaesong also seen written as Gaegyeong was the capital of the Goryeo dynasty which is in what we now call North Korea. It can be difficult to picture it with our modern maps and politics, but Goryeo once controlled all of the land that we now call North and South Korea. Later in the mid-1400’s under the fourth ruler of the Joseon Dynasty, King Sejong (the Great King who invented Hungul the Korean alphabet) built the palace as a gift for his father, the third Joseon King, King Taejong; more like a resting place than a gift. I found one site that stated that King Sejong built Changgyeonggung in 1418, whereas most sites including Wikipedia state mid-1400’s. I’m not great at math, but 1418 seems to me to be a lot closer to early 1400’s than mid-1400’s. Since King Taejong died in 1422, I’m going to go with Go!Go! Hanguk’s date until I get my hands on some printed text. Another side note, when it comes to dates on construction or establishment which just means that they decided that on this particular property they are planning to build a palace, Changgyeonggung is the most confusing to get the dates clear. My guess is that there hasn’t been a lot of English write ups on the Goryeo Dynasty because there isn’t much left to see of this dynasty, and the top sites are travel sites, so its a lot of regurgitation of the same information. I have my own deduction as to why it is difficult to tact down an exact date. My thoughts are that in 1104 there was already a palace in the same location. King Sukjong’s summer palace that may or may not have been called Suganggung. Then in 1392 after the fall of the Goryeo Dynasty, King Taejo the first of the King’s of the Joseon Dynasty moved into the former summer palace while Gyeongbukgung was being built. So, obviously some structure had to already be in place, and the man’s a king so it can’t be a shabby shack, and it was a royal summer palace, so I imagine it was beautiful in its own right. Then presumably, in 1418ish, King Sejong either added on or renovated or expanded the former Goryeo structure. I suppose he could have had it all torn down, but I don’t know, I’m just tossing this idea around trying to elucidate for myself when this palace was actually built. During the time that King Sejong built the palace and King Taejong resided there it was called Suganggung, this is for certain. Then in 1483, it was renovated and enlarged by King Seonjong the ninth King of the Joseon Dynasty. Perhaps it was during this time that the intention of its construction was to be a residential home for the queen, and the king’s concubines. Okay back to the main focus:

Myeongjeongjeon

There was a lot of upheaval and destruction at Changgyeonggung through multiple Japanese invasions and during Japanese colonialism. Due to the multiple damages, destruction, rebuilding, and renovations over the centuries, Changgyeongung features a mix of architectural styles, including traditional Korean and Western influences. The palace grounds include gardens and a victorian style greenhouse designed by the famous Japanese horticulturist Hayato Fukuba, and built by a French architectural company, whose name I haven’t yet located. Changgyeonggung features a large botanical garden with many indigenous Korean plant species. During the Japanese occupation that began in 1910, Changgyeonggung was turned into a zoo. The zoo was Korea’s first, and built in 1909, which date wise informs you that Japan was already planning to occupy Korea. I also saw a source that said the Daeonsil, the greenhouse, was built in 1907 which if true shows that the Japanese were planning their occupation at least 3 years in advance of the “official date.” I imagine all occupations take a bit of planning. After the end of the Japanese occupation the palace was restored to much of its original design, and many of the Japanese buildings were torn down, however the greenhouse, which is quite lovely, remains. When I say original I mean either the 1418 design, but more likely the 1483 design when it was given the name Changgyeongung.

A close-up picture of the red and salmon colored Honghwamun, The Outer Gate to Changgyeonggung.
Honghwamun, The Outer Gate to Changgyeonggung
  • The first time I came to Changgyeongung, was the very first time I ever came to South Korea. I first visited Seoul in 2014, during a 24 hour layover on a trip from China to the Czech Republic (Czechia). I had stayed in a hostel with the word “Banana” in its name. During my layover I wandered the neighborhood which was a multitude of connecting alleyways; ate in a small little high quality hole in in the wall restaurant; and I visited a palace. At the time, I never imagined that I would, not only return to Korea, but that I would live there for 7 years. I didn’t know the name of the palace I had visited as I didn’t speak to anyone other than the hostel receptionist during check in, and with a sales girl at Tony Moly (토니모리) as I bought my first Korean beauty product of snail cream, not even knowing that the Korean beauty industry was a multi-billion dollar business; nor that I just bought a cream made of snails. I only saw a very tiny part of it, as I didn’t see the greenhouse or the beautiful pond surrounded by lush green trees and bushes, yet it stuck with me. I was so in awe of the outer stone courtyard and the standing tiles that looked like grave stones, that I now know are rank stones which marked where members of the royal court were permitted to stand during ceremonies. I moved to Seoul in 2018, and since I had arrived in the major metropolitan city, I had been searching for the palace I had first visited 3 years prior. Hence, another reason why I had visited Gyeongbokgung so many times. Each time I would go to Gyeongbokgung, I knew I was not at the right place, but I could not recall which palace was my first. 
The royal greenhouse of Changgyeonggung lit up at night.
Daeonsil Greenhouse
  • It wasn’t until my last month in Seoul when a friend and I walked from Gyeongbokgung in the direction of what we thought would be Changdeokgung. It was a 45 minute walk to Changgyeongung. The palace was open for the summer nights, and my friend and I were able to enjoy a light show that played on a tree that grew on a small island in the manmade pond. Once inside the courtyard, I recognized it immediately as the palace I had visited in 2015. It felt like I had come full circle. Changgyeongung and Changdeokgung are practically connected, so it is easy to confuse one for the other.
a close up of rank stones and flat stone at Changgyeonggung in Seoul, South Korea.
Rank Stones at Changgyeonggung

16th Century

Deoksugung Palace, originally known as Gyeongungung, was established in the late 16th century during the reign of King Seonjo the 14th king of the Joseon Dynasty. This palace like Changgyeonggung has a complicated and confusing history, hence the “late 16th century” date. Before it became a palace it was the home of Grand Prince Wolsan, the older brother of King Seongjong the 9th Joseon king. Prince Wolsan died in 1488 a solid 100 years before the Imjin Wars, so either his residence remained intact and lived in by other family members or it was empty. The plan to actually turn it into a royal palace came about in 1592, coincidentally around the same time that Gyeongbukgung was destroyed. Construction on Deoksugung (it wouldn’t get this name until 1907) or Gyeongungung began in 1592 (two years after the Roanoke Colony had disappeared), but due to the Japanese invasions of Korea (1592-1596 & 1597-1598, Imjin Wars), it was interrupted. Because of the war, many structures of Gyeongungung were damaged or left incomplete during the initial construction phase in 1592. I am not sure what parts of Gyeongungung were from Grand Prince Wolsan’s residence is any part was, but the palace wasn’t completed until 1595 or 1958. Meanwhile, in the America’s during the same time we were having our own colonial invasions. In 1598, the same year that Gyeongungung was completed Juan de Oñate attacked and massacred the Ácoma Pueblo in what is now New Mexico.

Gyeongungung was meant to be an auxiliary palace, but it became a temporary royal residence after the Japanese destroyed Gyeongbokgung in 1592, along with badly damaging Changdeokgung and Changgyeonggung. It became an official royal palace in 1611 when the King Gwanghaegun, the 15th ruler, finally decided to give it the name Gyeongungung. Prior to 1611, I don’t know what they called it. Uncle Wolsan’s place? The palace was completed in 1595, but it has a unique fusion of traditional Korean and Western architecture after a Western-style wing was added in 1897. This Western-style building, Jeonggwanheon, was designed by a Russian architect. It was turned into a cafeteria during the Japanese occupation. In 1907, the year the greenhouse at Changgyeonggung was built, Gyeongungung’s name was changed to Deoksugung. The name which means longevity was chosen in hopes that it would save the dynasty (at the time declared and Empire) and the Korean peoples, but unfortunately, as history shows, the Joseon family dynasty would fall, and Korea would be occupied for 35 years. As for Deoksugung, much of the original palace was destroyed or dismantled and the palace that you can see and visit today is only 1/3 its original size.

  • Although I have passed this palace multiple times since I had lived in Seoul, it wasn’t until 2023, my last days in Seoul, that I finally made a visit. The main gate of Deoksugung is often overcrowded with protesters, often of the older generation, and there are large banners, that at times, over shadow the main gate. The protestors often deterred me from entering the palace. In the beginning, I thought maybe they were protesting the actual palace, but after years of living in Seoul, I had learned that on the weekends there is always a protest, and all this political activity takes place in the square across from City Hall and Seoul Plaza. Protests will extend down the length of Sejong road leading to Gwanghwamun square as this is where many of the embassies are located including the U.S. Embassy.
Indoor walls of Deoksu Palace

The day my friend and I went to the palace was Pride week and it was meant to be the day of the Pride parade which we both would have loved to have seen, but a far-right religious and anti-LGBTQ+ group had managed to snag the space for their Youth for Christ march. Although the Pride Organization had applied well in advance as they do each year since they have held the parade, Korea’s new and very conservative President granted the day to the church, as he said “events for children and teenagers get a priority when requests are filed for a same date”. (I must say though, as someone who was there, that was the angriest children’s event I’ve ever been forced to listen to.) As we passed through the gate and onto the palace grounds, we could hear the angry screams and shouts from the church group, and like a dome of verbiage the screams followed us to nearly every part of the palace grounds.  It was an incredibly hot day and all that hellfire, damnation, and brimstone gave our tour of the grounds an unpleasant vibe. I would have preferred fun music of Pride over the screams or better yet silence, but we did our best to enjoy the palace grounds. Once the marching started the angry group took their yells on the road, it left leaving only the sounds of the city which blended into a dull hum, hiss and honks. 

Established in 1617 (the year that Pocahontas died), it was the last of the Five Grand Palaces to be built. Although the foundation for the palace was in 1617, Gyeonghuigung wasn’t constructed until 1623 and underwent multiple reconstructions. Gyeonghuigung served as a secondary palace to Gyeongbokgung, but later served as the main palace during the 19th century. It was remodeled in 1855 with an architectural style integrating tradition and innovation. It was the setting for major political events such as King Gojong‘s return from the Russian legation where he sought refuge in 1896, and Korea’s independence proclamation from Imperial China’s rule in 1897. It was also the site of where the Korean Empire was proclaimed in 1897. Much of the palace was destroyed by fires, and during the Japanese occupation many of the buildings had been dissmantaled. Restoration efforts have been ongoing, however, because the reconstruction didn’t begin until the 1990’s and the city had already been built up, a lot of what was lost can’t be restored. As of today, only 33% of the palace exists.

  • I never made it to Gyeonhuigung. During my last month in Seoul it was my intention to visit all five of the palaces, but unfortunately due to time constraints and schedule conflicts I was not able to reach this goal. In truth, I don’t even know exactly where this palace is located. I know it is either in Jongno or Insadong where the other four palaces are located and it is also located on the west side of what was the old city capital Hanseong.

Thank you for reliving this palace journey with me. I feel fortunate to have been able to see 3 of the 5 and I hope that I make it back to Seoul in the near future in order to finally see Changdeokgung and Gyeonhuigung, and of course, The Secret Garden.

Come back for future posts on greater details of each palace. I will also have write ups on other fortresses and buddhist temples, along with a two part story on our walk around the Seoul City Wall; the ancient former wall of the Hanseong Capital which was built during the Joseon Dynasty.

Till next time.

Accidental Vagabond

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* Wikipedia provided the first step to basic information with links that lead to further resources. Please, if you can, donate to Wikipedia to keep it open for all people to use. Privatization can lead to abuse of information. If we collectively support it will help to keep the flow of information open and more accountable. I make a small monthly donation, and would love to donate more, which one day if profits come, I will. It's a great starting point when looking for information.
Other sources were Britannica, Korea.net, Go!Go!Hanguk, and many travel blogs.
There She Goes Again is a good blog for information if you wish to travel to South Korea. I used her blog a lot before visiting places in South Korea. I'd also like to recommend Korea By Me, as I have a soft spot for them for giving me a chance, plus they have a lot of information about Korea from a diverse group of people who are currently living in South Korea.

Writing For Online Travel Mags

October

Back in October, around the time that I wrote my last post on here, I applied for a freelance writing gig with an online travel/tourism magazine Korea By Me. I sent in an example post of something that I had been writing for my personal blog. They liked it and I got the gig.

Link to article on Korea By Me
My first published article about Korean poet Jeong Ho-Seung and four of his books of poetry. Photo from Korea By Me website

Writing For Others

Link to Korea By Me article

Between working part-time at a kindergarten, and commuting back and forth across the Han River to go to tutoring gigs, I’ve been trying to spend all my free-time (not home time, but free-time) writing articles for the website. It’s not much of a mystery to figure out that I don’t want to be a teacher. One huge sign is that I never write about teaching on this blog. It has become a job that barely pays the bills and allows me to stay in Korea with Eun. I like the kids. They are cute, but it’s exhausting with very little monetary reward, and oddly, or maybe not oddly, the pay never increases. I’ve been teaching for 8 years, but my pay has either stayed the same or gone down. Anyway, not important.

I’m tired, my body hurts, I’m burnt out, and we barely have any money. We realized after our dog got sick, and we had to pay thousands of dollars to save her life, that we were living paycheck to paycheck; not much different from the U.S.. The big difference of course is that my options are limited due to lack of language and citizenship. So, of course once this opportunity opened up I wanted to go all in. Unfortunately, it isn’t enough money to allow me to only focus on writing, but I’m hoping that it is a small stepping stone toward something bigger.

I had at one time, maybe 14 years ago when I first started this blog, that I would be turning this blog, and the others I have, into some “Writing Empire”. I see plenty of success stories. However, I’m inconsistent. That’s all I really need to write. Inconsistent. Inconsistent in the content, in the posting, in the research to keep on top of the latest technology, and in my physical energy to write. My excuses were/are that I’m never be able to find the time and feel too tired. I would sit at the computer to write, and then suddenly feel overwhelmed with an exhaustion so heavy that I could not lift my fingers. My eyes got tired. I swear I felt like I could barely breath. I had thought something was physically wrong with me.

In truth, there is something wrong with me. I’ve been going to doctors, but so far there is no clear answer. I have constant pain throughout my entire body. It’s been going on for some years now. Chronic pain is of course exhausting, so I figured that the two just went together. Feeling constant pain equals too tired to write. Yet, as I sit here writing now, it has dawned on me that my exhaustion from the effort to write is far more psychological than physical.

The physical is there, but when I write articles for Korea By Me, I don’t actually feel my pain. It’s there, but no where near intense as it can be. My mind becomes distracted from the pain. If this is the case then why wasn’t I writing all the time? Because it was my blog. My unpaid, unvalued blog. I have put in many hours to Korea By Me, and gladly. I made a submission tracker. I write down all my ideas; the day I started an article; what’s in progress; what’s submitted. I take it seriously. Since I got the gig on November 11th, I have written and submitted eight articles, and have had four of them published. Five of the articles involved some research and reading since five of them were book reviews. In a little over a month, I completed eight articles, even though I’m working a part-time job, and have four separate tutoring jobs that meet twice a week each. I am commuting at least three to four hours a day back and forth plus I have my home chores like cooking and cleaning.

Yet, I write a post for this blog, once every three months, maybe. I now know that I do have energy, and I can make energy even while busy, and feeling pain, but only when I do it for other people. I don’t value myself as a writer. It’s abundantly clear to me that if I am doing something for me, for my personal joy or gain, if it doesn’t have a paycheck its worthless. I physically respond to this so much that I sabotage my work by getting exhausted. That’s pretty sad. And, pretty amazing what our brains in states of low self-worth can do to our body. At least it is finally clear to me.

What Now

I’ve had some good feedback with Korea By Me. Getting published feels a bit like a drug hit. I feel an actual surge of adrenaline. I like to go to the site and see my writings on the page. I know my work isn’t perfect. When I read it, I can see mistakes I’ve made; things that myself and the editor missed. I’d like to be better. I want to work on it. Yet, the content is good.

In November I was chosen as having the best article of the month. I felt really good about that. It is self inspiring. I’d like to leave the teaching jobs. My current contract is up in March. It would be so nice if I could find something writing wise that would supplement that income. It would be nice if I put as much effort into my own blog and really did build my “Writing Empire” instead of not giving myself the value I deserve. These are what I’m working on now.

The winning article about Korean photographer Atta Kim Photo from Korea By Me website

Although my blog is focused on travel, what I write for Korea By Me wont be the same articles obviously, so if you’re interested in reading my stuff at Korea By Me please check it out. If you are planning on visiting South Korea it is a great source of information and stories on Korea. My focus here is to build up my literary travel writing style. I’m not giving up. I’m tenacious.

Best Article, Photo from Korea By Me

A Visit to Suwon’s Famous Chicken Street

A Day Trip from Seoul.

About a half an hour by car, or an hour by bus, outside of Seoul is a place called Hwaseong. It is a district in one of the most populated provinces of South Korea, Gyeonggi-do. If you live in Seoul it sometimes feels like it is all Seoul since this metropolitan city is gigantic and spread out, but the real reason you would feel this way is because Gyeonggi-do is a province that surrounds Seoul; which is called a special city. Suwon-si or Suwon city is south of Seoul, and it is the capital of Gyeonggi-do. This area is famous for the Hwaesong Fortress a UNESCO World Heritage site that was built during the Joseon Dynasty. It is a beautiful and completely intact fortress that epitomizes the military architecture of the time period (late 18th century). It is worth the trip from Seoul, and I highly recommend a visit, however this post is not about the Fortress. This is about a little street tucked back away behind the Fortress, which if you like fried chicken is also well worth the visit. 

Chicken Street

Max beer, Korean beer

I didn’t know it when I first moved to Korea from the States, but I now know that fried chicken is the go-to-feel-good-food in Korea. You can have a little chicken, a little beer, add some friends to the mix and you get chimaek. 

The word comes from the first part of the word chicken—chi plus part of the word maekju (the Korean word for beer)—maek put them together and you get chimaek: chicken and beer.

5 street Chicken street, Suwon

To the South East side of the Fortress near the South Gate named Paldalmun (also known as Nammun), and near the canal you will find chicken street. When you visit the Hwaseong Fortress there is a point during your exploration, as you walk closer to the south end, when you begin to smell the fried chicken in the air. 

There are literally chicken restaurants next to, across the street from, and on every corner, from each other. 

This street is very popular and even on a slow day there are lines outside every restaurant.

The restaurant we went to was called Yongsung Tongdak, a chicken restaurant which has been making fried chicken for over 30 years. The chicken is fried in giant cauldrons called gamasots. Gamasots are a type of ancient Korean style of cooking pots that date back to the 1300’s.

rice chips and pickled radish

We ordered right away as there were only two types of chicken to choose from, traditional fried chicken and a spicy marinated fried chicken, and of course we chose both. We ordered maekju (beer) and the server brought us some rice snacks and pickled radish.

They also brought us some fried chicken feet and fried gizzards as snacks. You dip the fried bits into a small dish of salt, incase your blood pressure isn’t high enough.

chicken feet and gizzards

Soon our huge order of chicken arrived. It was served with a mustard dipping sauce, a salt dip, and sweet gochujang- a red chili dipping sauce very common in Korean cooking. The portion was huge, so we ended up taking a lot of it home. It was still delicious the next day.

chicken and beer

The chicken was fantastic. This was probably the crispiest fried chicken I have ever eaten. Crispy and crunchy on the outside and very moist on the inside. The spicy chicken was spicy, but not so spicy that it was difficult to eat nor did it burn your lips. It had a smooth spice that lingered on your tongue and a slightly sweet aftertaste. 

Eating chicken

If you ever come to visit Seoul in South Korea, you must make a day trip to Hwaseong-si in which you should to visit the Hwaseong Fortress, but don’t eat before go because you need to add a trip to chicken street. It is easy to find, just follow your nose.

Day 1: The Purging

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In Bali, three times a day offerings are left for God.

It’s been six months since I wrote my last post. Six months since I’ve posted a photo to my  Simple blog, and more than six months since I have written a poem or a short story. It’s as if I have given up on myself. It isn’t as if. It is as it is.

I do interesting things, at least it appears to be that way on the outside looking in, but I have to forcibly remind myself that my life is interesting or that it has some measure of value. Much of the time I feel disconnected from everything, like I’m a replicant just posing to be a part of the human race in hopes that I don’t get killed by Harrison Ford- although I guess if Harrison Ford or Ryan Gosling were the last people I saw on the planet it might not be so bad.  I travel quite a bit. I live in different countries. These are privileges that not a lot of people get to experience, so I understand the immaturity of complaining of feeling bad. What right do I have to feel bad when I live in a different country-by my own by choice? What right do I have to feel bad to have when I’ve just returned from a vacation in tropical wonder? What right? It isn’t a right. It is an inability to stop the feelings no matter where I go. No matter how beautiful the sunset, no matter how fun the party, no matter how exciting the adventure I can not escape the feeling that I’m fucking all of this up and doing it wrong. I didn’t connect enough, I didn’t have enough fun; I don’t look good in the photos; my photos aren’t spectacular; I feel lonely; I’m outside everything; I don’t feel it enough; I’m not adventurous enough; I’m not wise enough; intense enough; beautiful enough; young enough; never, never, enough. Who do I live for? It’s supposed it is me, but I’m not really certain.

A few years ago, I discovered that traveling doesn’t save me. I now know that no matter where in the world I am, and no matter how amazing the place is I’m also there too, and if I am not in the right head space then the place will not and does not change me. Sometimes, when I speak or tell stories to people I feel like I am lying. Like I am a fraud. I’ll walk away from a conversation and think to myself, I talk too fucking much. Why do I talk? Is that story even real? I have grown enough to have had many of self realizations, but not enough to know how to change the way I think about myself within those realizations. Meditation, yoga, self-help books, therapists, I suppose I’d try religion if it wasn’t so vulgar in its abuse of people. Still, the seeking of spirit is still there. I can’t see the progress. I’m sure there has been some, but I just can’t see it. I had a lot of dreams that I ignored for the same feelings that I have in my travels. Not enough, not good enough. I know that everything takes practice and experience, but I have the hardest time applying this well known truth to my own life. Somehow, I am outside of all of that truth. Anyone can be anything they want except for me. I’ll never improve; I’ll never be good at something; I’ll never have a successful relationship; I’ll never be worthy of the life I have been given; I’ll never live it to the fullest no matter how many hashtags of “livetothefullest” I post to my instagram. I am aware of the ridiculousness of this thinking, but training myself out of this thinking has been the most challenging thing in my life. It’s a constant battle. I’m a tired warrior fighting a never ending war.

The first time I left the U.S. I went to Europe. I was 25. I was heartbroken from a lost relationship that I thought was going to last forever (even though I didn’t always treat it as if I had believed it was forever). I thought Europe would save me. It would feed my soul and I would forget my former love. That’s how it is in the movies and the books. You never read a book about the person that goes to a new country and spends the entire time crying over their former lover leaving them. This is because no one wants to read that story. We know that feeling and we don’t like it. We want the good stuff. I didn’t get the good stuff because I couldn’t open to it. I was too busy wallowing in my self. When you can’t let go of an idea or a vision of what you thought you wanted or believed you would have, you can never be open to receive your new vision. This makes you rigid, closed, and disconnected to the magic around you. I know this because there is magic all around me that I miss every day, and I have missed for years. I see the magic in my friends. I see the magic in strangers. I’m grateful that I have the eyes to see at least that much. Europe didn’t change me the first time, or the second or the third time. At some point, perhaps it was in the 13 year break I took from traveling, I realized that I had wanted the place to change me. If I could go to a new place I could be a new person, but this never happened because places don’t change us- they effect us, but we change within ourselves. I couldn’t change the person I was to match the image or idea of the place I was in. I knew that it didn’t matter where I was in the world, that if I didn’t work on myself then I was never going to be happy or find the happiness I was searching for. Am I actually searching for happiness? I’m not even sure of that. If you don’t know what you are searching for then you most certainly will never find it.

Now, when I go to a new place, I don’t expect it to change me. I know it will effect me, but change me…no… I must find the way to do that within me, and that can happen anywhere even at home. Although, China changed me, but it was more likely my mother dying while I was in China that truly changed me. Well, not changed, but set the wheels in motion. Three year’s later and I’m still dealing with her death. Last night, after returning from a trip in Bali, I was overwhelmed with how lonely I felt in Korea. I looked at the room I was in. The closed walls, the tight space, the towering high-rises, the silence in the elevators, the lack of eye contact, the hours sometimes days without communicating to a person in person. I compared this to the open space of the place I had stayed in while in Bali. Every morning I had the staff to speak with, and how friendly they were, how easy it was to speak with people, how Balinese people would always say hi when you walk past on the street; the noises, the daily offerings of banana baskets of flowers on the ground and on the doorsteps. The openness of everything. My space had been huge, the sky had been huge, and suddenly, I felt all the smallness of my room in Korea. I was struck with an overwhelming loss. I had missed my mother. I missed being tied to someone, to belonging to someone. I think my friends would ask me why I don’t leave Korea if I feel so lonely there, and I suppose I would give the same answer as I had in China. I just want to see it through. Now, as I am about to begin a graduate program in TESOL, I will possibly have to stay even longer in this lonely yet intriguing country. I know when I leave it is unlikely I will ever return to Korea. I did say the same thing about China, and now I would like to go back to visit, but Korea, doesnt have the same effect. I have no animosity toward the country, but it is a place for the young. Korea doesn’t want us aging people, it doesn’t even want it’s own aging people-unless they are rich. Maybe there is a bitterness in this from me, not being able to stop the process of my aging, and Korea here to remind me of it. I’ve always struggled with loneliness and now I am on my way to invisible. I’m not afraid of it. I am painfully uncomfortable with it. The pathway to acceptance is a painful one. It’s less traveled because it is unpleasant. There is also no promise that you will feel better once you’ve reached the end of that road. I think only death brings that peace, if you can not find the peace within yourself while you are alive. I believe this peace is possible, but I don’t believe it’s possible for me. That’s my demon. What is all this about? What is this self-flagellating about? It is my purging. The beginning of a new task. I new process that I have added to my lists of processes to teach my self to enjoy the process.

There have been some times when people told me that I was talented, but I never allowed myself to believe them. Which is insulting to the person praising because you discredit their point of view by not taking the compliment, but most of us are selfish in our thinking, and we don’t see the gift that people are giving us. We wait for the insults because for some reason those are more believable. I’ve forgotten my praises, except one, and I imagine I remembered it because for years I thought of it as an insult. Once a teacher described me as tenacious. When I first heard this it made my heart drop. It was during a certificate ceremony when myself and others were receiving our degrees from a writing program. This same teacher had previously praised all the other students with words about their work, and their talents, and how people should look for their work in the future. When it was my turn he said nothing of my talent and nothing of my work, only that I was tenacious. I felt dejected by this statement. It yet again reinforced my belief that I was talentless, and that I was not enough. I also felt like it wasn’t accurate. If I was so tenacious then why did I quit acting? Why did I quit writing? Why didn’t I pursue the other arts I desired like dancing, or art or photography? I gave up every dream- how is that tenacious? Yet, as I look back on his comment, I know that it is the truest thing said about me. I am tenacious, even though I don’t always face my life in full awareness, I don’t give up. The fact that I am alive is a sign of my tenacity. I have stood at the edge of a window frame on the 13 floor, at the edge of a busy street, and the lip of a bridge, and just wondered if I could just let go and end this life. Those are not even my darkest moments, and yet, I hold on. Even after the death of my mother the most important person in my life, I still hold on. Even when I don’t know why or what I am holding onto I hold on. As if I am digging my soul out of the earth I grasp to improve my being and to grow. I search, and I finally know what I search for. I search for my freedom and my joy.

There were times when I was younger and I felt I had something to offer; when I could feel passion in my veins, when I felt like my inner self was bigger than my outer self and I longed for a bigger body that could fit my soul. My skin felt tight around my inner being. I want this feeling to return. I make these tiny painful steps toward rebuilding my inner life. It feels like rehabilitation from an accident I don’t remember. I need the physical therapy, but I don’t know why I need it. I started listening to podcast about change, reading books about change, motivating my inner thoughts to be aware of my choices about holding on to or letting go of my feelings. I started focusing on my habits and trying to change my life through changing my habits, like the habit of not liking any choice I make. This is habitual. It is habitual to think I’m not enough. Here is the point of this purge: I give myself 30 day challenges. 30 days of meditation every morning. 30 days of yoga. 30 days of not buying coffee. 30 days of waking up at 6:00 a.m. It can be anything. Behind every 30 day is the motivation and the intention to better myself by facing my habits and changing them. My measure of success is completing the 30 days. An even greater measure of success is turning that challenge into a habit. 30 days of letting shit go (this is a tough one). This here is 30 days of writing.

Day one is this confessional. I have four blogs. Poetry, photography, short stories, and this one. It doesn’t matter where I post or how much I write as long as I do it every day. What’s the intention the motivation? To be a good writer? To be prolific? To be seen? No. The intention is to make this writing a habit. A real habit. That my day doesn’t feel complete if I don’t write. To feel cleansed after writing. This is my intention. I don’t know if I will ever feel like I am enough or feel connected to this earth and the people in it, but maybe one day I will. My only legacy will be what I place down in a public place. It may not be much of a legacy, but because I am a human being in this world reaching out to grasp something, the same as all the billions of other human beings on this planet, I feel a need for a legacy. A small legacy and fantasy legacy, but a legacy all the same. To me that is writing.

With all of the self induced suffering and suffering caused from living in the world, and the apathy that leads to wanting to give up on this life, I still want to live an extraordinary life. I want to be amazing. I want to be amazing to me. I want to receive the magic, and if it takes me a life time to get there I will still try. There are times in my life when I can feel it. The beauty the enormous beauty of it all. I don’t know what gave me the gift in that moment to see life, but I’m so incredibly grateful to have received it. I want more of it. And I know it is there even if I don’t always believe it is meant for me. Life is fleeting. I’ll ride this suffering like a dragon into a storm. I don’t know if the storms will pass, but I’ll ride to the edge of the world, and if you want to grab my tail, you are welcome to do so. Purged.

Day one.

Let’s Take Teacher to Kaifeng Part 1.

I left Portland in the summer of 2013, to begin a new adventure in China as an English Literature teacher for EFL Chinese students who were prepping to move to the U.S., and Canada to continue their educations. It was really a whim. I had been feeling trapped and stunted, doing my usual, what am I really accomplishing in this life lamentations. This a usual lamentation that I’ve been singing since I first left college in 1997. It’s a familiar song that is on a fairly continuous loop kind of like when a horrible pop song gets stuck in your head. In truth, I’m sick of the song, but at times it can lead me through interesting doors, albeit I’m generally singing the same tune too loud to be able to pay attention to my  immediate surroundings. Surely, more then once I have missed an opportunity to grasp some enlightening notes to help me in the great quest of purposefulness. Regardless, if I had the overwhelming desire to be a great teacher or to experience China, or to be an avid traveller (all of which I have at one time or another felt) I ended up in China. It was more a case of who I knew than what I knew, but the outcome was the same; I was in China.

As I write this post from a coffee shop in Busan, South Korea, the days tick away from my time in China, and four years have past. Since China I have moved to the Czech Republic and traveled to parts of Eastern and Western Europe then returned to Portland, and now I sit in cafe called Coffee Farm in Saha-gu in Busan. This post will remain static on this page, and the days will continue to tick. Perhaps you have stumbled across this blog while looking up something on China, and as you read, five more years have passed since I’ve posted, and who knows what I’m writing and where I’m writing. Will I still be traveling? Will I be writing? Will I be alive?  I haven’t posted much about my experiences because thoughts have been in the way, more personal, more emotional thoughts and feelings that have been an impediment to sharing my general experiences in China, and in the other places that I have been since then. Occasionally, I am able to force myself to the page, but the moments are far and fewer between. Yet, that need to record my life, maybe in some attempt to have some relevance beyond death, is still there; small as a wisp, but still there.

There are moments when my thoughts are drifting and some brief yet strong memory from my year in China resurfaces. I never know what triggers it, but it always brings a smile to my face, and a slight nod to my head, which at times baffles and amuses me because I struggled in China. It goes to show that things can become better when nostalgia sets in. Even though I discount my pleasant experiences there I will state that it wasn’t all a struggle or at least that there weren’t moments of joy in the experience of struggles. I do hope that in the coming years that I can and will devote more time to the practice and art of writing so that one day I can accurately and succinctly convey the emotions, and the experiences that triggered those emotions, in a way that can take my readers to China. Can I reach the ability to tell my history like a poetic story? Can I transport you with my words to this place without sounding sentimental or whiney? I honestly don’t know if I will ever be able to do such a thing, but if it’s true that practice and deliberate practice bring about true growth, then I have to look at each post, be it about an event from the past or this current present, as a step toward learning to create that transportive storytelling.

Here is the beginning of one such deliberate practice of a storytelling:

Once upon a time, I had a complete and total meltdown at school, number 47 middle school, where I taught high schoolers,  in Zhengzhou, China.  I was in the office talking to one of my best and favorite students when one of the staff dropped a little bomb on me. On all of us. In a typical Chinese administration fashion, a set holiday was taken away from the teachers and the students in a very last minute non ticket refundable manner in order to use the school for Gaokoa practice testing space. Gaokao is this brutal future life determining test  that all Chinese students who want to attend higher education have to take in order to have a hopefully prosperous future. It is considered one of the most difficult tests in the world. Post test results are the top students have their photos in the national papers, and a number of suicides which are not reported in the same papers. It is stressful, and also status building. So it means nothing to the administration to forgo much needed and desired vacation time for students and teachers in order to be the poster school for testing. I, of course as can be determined by my current tone, don’t think this test is the be all to life, and at the time pretty much lost my shit at the knowledge that I just lost my vacation-days days before they were to take place. I had no concern for mianzi or guanxi. These are Chinese words for saving face or keeping up appearances and relationships that are far more complex, yet central to Chinese society, then I can effectively explain. Needless to say, my “face” exploded. I lost it in full view of my student and my Chinese co-workers.

When I think back on this 20 minutes of pure fury which I experienced in some bizarre out of body fashion, I wish that I had a camera rolling so I could watch the horror that my co-workers appeared to show on their faces and in their bodies, and the shear madness that I was unable to control. I really went mad. I was a thin line of consciousness from physical destruction. It was this outer body entity of myself that was watching me lose it that was the only thing that managed to keep some small about of sanity about me. I screamed and railed about how this was the very reason why people hated China; and no wonder they don’t return; and how the administration and the bosses treat people like shit even their own citizens; and it just keep going.  I’d grip a desk with a blinding passionate need to over turn it, but this calm voice of reason would wash over me and say, “you look crazy, right now, and this is not their fault, and your student is standing right there. Let go of the table.” So I would release my grip of what ever object I had in my grasp with a rapid snap of force, and scream out, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I know it’s not your fault!” And, immediately my wrath would return, “BUT this is bullshit!” and I would frantically pace the room seething and looking for something to destroy. It was truly a moment of madness where my personalities had split. I would even begin laughing at myself at the ridiculous irrationality of my behavior. I would laugh thinking, oh my god you can’t un-do what you are doing right now. The terror on my co-worker’s faces would only mildly pause my raging. It was only my student who was able to calm me. Unlike my adult co-workers who couldn’t move and just stood in shock staring at me, it was my 16 year old student who threw her arms around me and pulled me into an embrace, and held me in her arms. “It’s okay teacher. It’s okay.” I wanted to cry and collapse into her arms, but a new I needed to pull it together and be the adult I was supposed to be. “We won’t let this happen.” She said, and then she ran from the office.

I slumped into my chair, my head drooped forward over my desk, tears heavily forming into the base of my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I whispered to the still stunned Chinese staff. “It’s just…it’s just not fair.” I sighed, and looked at them. “I know it’s not your fault. I know it ruins your vacation too.” The head teacher held her hands up in a calming manner and said, “just, just wait, I will talk to the President, maybe something can be done.” And she left the office.

I don’t remember much else except that my student returned to the office to declare that her and the other students had decided to protest the change and that they would refuse to go to school on that day. “And if that doesn’t work teacher, we’ve decided that we will take you on a vacation after school is over.” I smiled lightly at my student. I had just incited a tiny revolution, which although oddly charming could result in me getting arrested for subversion, but what a story that would make.  This mini-revolt didn’t take place because the President of the school decided to allow our department the day off. I assume that the head teacher painted a very clear description of the foreign teacher’s utter decent into raving madness. It ended up making me a minor hero among my Chinese colleagues because they were able to maintain guanxi yet keep their vacation time. One teacher came in and spoke to the lead teacher in Chinese and after a moment leaned  toward me and whispered, “Thank you.” I may have been permanently marked the unstable one, but I had my uses.  I know that other foreign teachers had had outrages, but based on the frozen fearful faces of my co-workers I was fairly certain they had never seen anything like what came out of me on that day. Hell, I had not experienced that level of a tantrum soberly in a long-long time, and it was more than I had ever released. I knew it stemmed from the pressures of work but more so from the repressed grief that I had been carrying over my mother’s death. Still, I was shocked by my behavior. I didn’t know that I had an actual demon possession lying dormant inside me.

I suppose in all other circumstances I would have been embarrassed, but China had a way of taking bizarre events that would have what you would think to be a predictable outcome and flipping it into an unpredictable result. Everyone went on vacation, and at the end of the school year, six of my rebellious students took me on their mini vacation which was a complete surprise and a contradiction of expectations.

“Teacher.” My student said during the last week of school. “We want to take you with us on our holiday. Will you come. You just pay for your room and we will do the rest.”

It seemed a little unprecedented to me a teacher going on vacation with students–not as a chaperone, but as invited guest on their trip. It would never happen in the states. I said yes. My students took me to Kaifeng. It was me, six teenagers, and three e-bikes.

First Impressions of Busan, South Korea

CIMG9592The day is August 9th, and I am sitting in my hotel room to avoid the sweltering heat in Busan. A heat that I am not accustomed to as of yet. I’m not certain one truly acclimates fully to heat and humidity, but people do live in it.

My first days in Busan began with angst. I had flown from Portland to San Francisco on Virgin America, and then from SFO to Beijing to Busan on Air China. Two transfers, two airlines, three security checks (China’s was the toughest) and because of the time difference it seemed like it took me two days. I had left on the 4th and I arrived on the 6th. What happened to the 5th? But, more importantly, what happened to my luggage? Somewhere in all of that transferring my luggage was lost. I wasn’t calm about it, but also there isn’t much I can do. It felt like a big loss, and not the best way to arrive in my new foreign city.

I’ve moved to Busan for at least a year, and I was feeling apprehensive about the move. I can’t say why I felt or feel apprehensive. This will be my third time moving out of the U.S. on some crazy adventure that I don’t plan well. It’s the fifth foreign country I’ve moved to, and my second Asian city to live in. One would think that by now I would feel more comfortable with the whole affair, but apparently I don’t. Apparently, I have a hard time doing it, but by the time I return to the states, I no longer remember my trepidations, and I do the damn thing all over again. I’ve never lost luggage before though so it is an added challenge. I tell myself, as my friends also tell me, “I have to believe things will work out. It will come back to me.” I try to put my faith in this thinking, but it didn’t stop me from crying my eyes out thinking about certain things I had in the case. That awesome jacket. My shoes; the one’s I loved. My brand new external hard drive that I had meant to put in my carry on, but forgot to. Then of course, my travel journal that is filled with pictures of my mom and home- it is something that gives me peace. That’s what really hurts. That can’t be replaced. So, I cried my first evening in Busan. I cried because my luggage was lost, and I cried because as per-usual, I don’t know what I’m doing nor do I know why I decided to go this route, and I’m afraid. That’s all normal for me. The thing is, I do know what I’m doing. I know more now this time then ever, but it doesn’t stop me from doubting myself or my choices. That too seems to be normal.

A friend met me at the airport. I was very grateful. I had felt uneasy on my arrival, what, with exhaustion, loss of stuff, and second-guessing my life choices. It was good to have a familiar face greet me in an unfamiliar place. Nikki, who I had met at Angloville in Poland a little over a year ago, guided me onto the subway and into the city where I am am being put up in a hotel near Nampo district. I’m to be in this hotel during my training period for my school. It’s about two weeks. I am not officially hired until I successfully complete the training. So who knows, maybe I will be back in the U.S. in two weeks more broke and in debt than ever, and with no clothes. Let’s hope not.

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Nikki and I wander a bit in the heat till we found a little restaurant where we ate cold noodle soup and kimchi and other delightful Korean snacks. As we walked around in the district of my new Asian city, I couldn’t help but compare Busan to Zhengzhou. Asian cities are so different from European cities as they are different from American or New World cities. The smells are different. The architecture, and the urban planning is all different. I don’t know a lot about Busan yet, but I believe a lot of it was destroyed in the Korean War so much of the urban planning is post- 1960’s. Also the land scape is hilly so that creates a different type of planning. There are some similarities to Zhengzhou in one particular smell and in the people, but they are only subtle similarities, and there were differences in what seemed familiar. Immediately, I noticed that it isn’t nearly as crowded here. In fact, the side streets were often empty. When it comes to the hustle and bustle of the subway people seem to be more polite here. There is some pushing, but nothing compared to China. If someone pushes past you they seem to be from the older generation and not to aggressive about it. In China, I found it to be very aggressive and all ages. I felt a bit like there was a sense of panic in Zhengzhou like a person needed to push everyone out of the way or they’d be left behind. Plus, in China there was the whole cutting in line (which really annoyed me) which I haven’t encountered here at least not in my one day. There was a similar smell. It wasn’t all over or as potent as in Zhengzhou, but it was the same smell. It is a terrible sewer smell that is sharp and pungent. It was very prominent in Zhengzhou, but I would only occasionally catch a whiff of the smell in some alleyways in Busan. Sewage actually smells different in China and Korea (in the two places I’ve been) then in American cities. It all smells like shit and bad, but it also has a different kind of bad. A sour kind of bad. Oddly, I find that fascinating. I imagine it is what we eat and how we live.

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After Nikki left I returned to my room, and cried a little. Then stared out at my view. I do have a nice view of the port from my window. I am far from the popular beaches but I can see the bridge that lights up like a rainbow bridge at night and connects the Yeongdo-gu island to the mainland. I can also see Mt. Bongnaesan and all the lights from whatever and whomever is living over there. Looking out the window calmed me some, and my exhaustion overwhelmed me. I tried to read a bit before going to sleep, but I was out before 9 p.m.

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In the morning after struggling to contact Virgin America, and not getting much help via chat (I have no phone right now so it adds more to the difficulty) I had another cry, and then told myself, I needed to get it together. I’m here. There’s not much I can do but hope. I can cry all I want, but it isn’t making anything better. Although, it did feel pretty good to cry. I ate the complementary breakfast offered in the hotel. It was kimchi, and rice, and some quail eggs. There was also some cakes that I think may have been fish, and a finely grated white cabbage salad. It wasn’t amazing, but it was fine. I am already a big fan of kimchi. After eating, I was determined to try and explore. I wandered a bit through some streets until I found my way to Yongdusan park.

Immediately upon stepping under the trees of the park I was surround by a cacophony of buzzing and caterwauling. I can only guess that it was insects. For a moment, I had thought the caterwaul was coming from strange birds, but the consistency and pattern of repetition and tone matched with the other buzzing which I knew to be beetles. So I’ve concluded, that indeed, there are some monstrous bugs living in the trees above us. There were subtle things that captured me as I wandered melting in the humidity that was already high by 10 am. The insects that I could hear, but not see. The bark of some of the trees that seemed to look as if it was melting, and the soft shapely pinecones that sat delicately side by side in a tree as if they were siblings. They are siblings. I enjoyed the Busan tower, and the various Korean design of some of the buildings, but really it was the nature in the park that was the most interesting part. I took some photos, and as I did a man offered to take my picture. I’m sure he wanted money for it, because he was trying to pose me. I’ve never been all that comfortable with strangers taking my picture- especially when they offer it. I don’t think I photograph all that well so I’m pretty awkward about the whole affair. Still, he took them and I walked away. I began to feel damaged by the heat and I gave up my exploration. I felt a little better, and I was glad I got myself away from myself.

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As I wandered back to the hotel I discovered art and murals in various alleyways and I saw a numerous amount of coffee houses. I had thought I would be giving up coffee for a year, but it appears like Busan has more coffee places in just this neighborhood than all of the city of Portland. It is good coffee too.

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