Hiking Hàushān China’s Sacred Mountain: Taking the Train to Shaanxi Province Part. 2

This is part. 2. If you’d like to start at the beginning follow this link here.

No Joke, China is Crowded

There are things that I experienced in China that I will never experience anywhere else, except perhaps India, and much of this has to do with the sheer numbers of people. At every event, walk, exploration, eating and imbibing, every experience beyond the doors of your home or your work is shaped by the size of the crowd.

Americans have no idea how much space we have. We do not really know crowded. When I had moved to South Korea, other Americans would complain to me about how crowded it was in Seoul. I would think to myself, “sure its crowded“, but it isn’t China crowded. Of course, a place in America can be crowded, or the roads can be busy, and one may think that there are too many people, but imagine never getting away from the crowd. Every public space is a music festival without the music or the celebrity. I’d never experienced anything like China before or since ( I’ve never been to India) and time has faded much of my daily memories, but when I think back on my time there, I mean really think back, I can remember that I had experienced culture shock.

It was too much. Too many lights, too much pollution, too many cars, too much sound, too many people. Sometimes, I didn’t want to go outside even though I needed food. It felt otherworldly at times. As much as Chinese people would look at me as being an outsider and perhaps think I was odd in how I went about my life, I sometimes looked at them like they were mad. I would witness things that seemed beyond my comprehension. Like a man on an e-bike stacked with bricks driving against one way traffic, or fifty-plus people all scrambling to get onto a bus that was still moving. I would argue that much of the “madness” which was only my perception, was due to overcrowding. However, near the end of my time in China, my culture shock had turned into a phrase; “only in China.”

A photograph of Erqi Tower in Erqi Square in Zhenzhou, China.
Erqi Tower in Erqi Square, Zhengzhou, Henan, China.

Erqi Square

The night before the hike, Sho Boa and Xiang Kai met me at my apartment around 10:30 p.m., and from there we caught a bus to the central train station in Zhengzhou. We arrived near Erqi Square (pronounced Archie) around 11:00 p.m. Our train was scheduled to leave at 1:00 am, so we used the time before departure to shop for snacks for the trip and the hike.

Erqi Square buzzes with people all hours of the day and night. In the center of the square is Erqi Tower or Erqi Memorial Tower. Erqi means February 7th, and the square, district, and tower are all named after the Erqi (Feb. 7th) strike that occurred in 1923. The tower is two conjoined fourteen stories pentagon shaped towers that look like thin pagodas with a five pointed red star at the top. It stands out as the only building of Chinese architecture with sweeping eaves that curve up at the corners. At night the tower is lit up and competes with all the other lit up buildings. Zhengzhou is never dark at night. We wandered around the square posing in front of the tower and taking pictures in the light rain to memorialize our upcoming adventure. After taking photos we wandered into the station.

Two friends in China posing in front of Erqi Tower in Zhengzhou.
Xiang Kai and Sho Boa in front of Erqi Tower, Zhengzhou.

Zhengzhou Central Train Station

Zhengzhou’s Central train station is a national hub and considered the busiest station in China, which is saying a lot. To put it mildly, the place is crazy. The station is part of the Beijing-Guangzhou Railway and Longhai Railway, which means that if you are taking the train to anywhere in China, you will most likely transfer in Zhengzhou. The place is a nightmare, especially during the day. Aside from the overwhelming throngs of people pushing, shoving, and running through the station, and the difficulty of the language there’s the bathrooms. On this particular visit I was with two Chinese friends who took care of the language obstacles, and it was 1:00 p.m. when our train was to arrive, so the crowds were less in between arrival and departure times. However, the bathroom, I had to contend with on my own. It’s been nearly ten years since I have been there so chances are things have changed, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the bathroom was the same.

The Bathroom

China (at the time) still uses pit toilets and squat toilets. There are places with sitting toilets, but many, many places use squat toilets. This in and of itself isn’t too much of an issue. You can get used to it, but the toilets in the train station were something else. The station has what is called long-drop toilets, and they are communal troughs meaning no doors. They did have dividing walls, so I didn’t have to squat right next to a person, but there were no doors, so there was no privacy.

To use the toilet I had to stand with my feet on either side of the trough as a river of piss and shit flowed under me toward what I assumed to be an exit into a sewer system. I absolutely hated using this bathroom, not only because it was dirty, and I was never good at squatting, but the lack of privacy was my biggest issue. Since I was a foreigner in China, I experienced a lot of staring and this did not stop when I was using the toilet. There were times I felt like I was an animal in a zoo, and my experience in the Zhengzhou station was one of those times.

Not every person that walked by would stare, but the few that did would strain to look at how I actually peed, as if they were wondering if I had the same parts as them. It may have been only two women that did this to me as they walked by, but one was enough. Why would the bathrooms be like this? My guess is that it is easier to clean. Bring in some power washers and spray the whole place down. But when squatting over a trough, trying to keep balance without touching the dividing walls and straining to hold my knees together so that a stranger walking by can’t stare at my vagina as I peed was just the beginning of this trip. A trip that I thought was going to be a spiritual grief healing experience.

A bag of Chinese snacks on a chair in the Zhengzhou train station.
Snacks for the hike.

Differences in Thought Process

At the mini market Sho Boa picked up some dried noodles, chicken feet, and some hardboiled eggs. We also grabbed some instant porridge and instant coffee along with some water. I wanted some trail mix but wasn’t able to find any. I was concerned that the food we had wasn’t going to be enough sustenance for such a huge hike, but Sho Boa insisted that this was what him and his college friends ate when going on hikes.

“In China this is what we bring to eat on a hike.” He said.

I had to take him at his word. We argued a lot in the store as to what would be the best to eat, but I acquiesced telling myself I was having a Chinese experience and I needed to embrace it. Although my gut was telling me this food was not going to be enough to fuel me. It isn’t always easy to have an authentic experience of a culture that is new and foreign to you, no matter how easy it looks in the movies. So, Chicken feet it was.

The Cheapest Train

As I had said before: Every event, walk, exploration, eating and imbibing, every experience beyond the doors of your home or your work is shaped by the size of the crowd. Every national monument, museum, park, train, pilgrimage, and hike is shaped by the size of the crowd. Money will buy you space, but you need a lot of money, and we didn’t have a lot of money, especially Sho Boa.

Since Sho Boa didn’t have a lot of money he insisted that we take the cheapest slowest train. Xiang Kai and I were teachers, and we had a livable salary, but Sho Boa worked as an office assistant; a runner. The bosses were always telling him to run and get this, run and get that, run and go there, run and go here, and they did not pay him well. I could understand that lack of money would prompt him to choose the cheapest train. However, I suspected that even if he had money, he would still have insisted we take the cheapest train.

What makes the cheapest train cheap are its number of stops and rate of speed. At the time, I was clueless about exactly how slow a slow train was. I knew it was an overnight train and that it would take 8 to 9 hours to get to Huàshān, but I was not aware that a faster train would get us there in 3 to 4 hours. I also was not aware of what the traveling conditions on the train would be like. The idea was to sleep on the train and then to start our hike in the morning. I was fine with an overnight train, but Sho Boa bought regular seats not sleeping compartments, again to save money.

The interior of the Zhengzhou train station after midnight.
Zhengzhou Central Station after midnight.

A Crowded Train

I did not sleep on the train for multiple reasons. Number one, the train was packed. On the cheap trains, once all the seats are sold, they continue to sell tickets, and the prices for standing are the same as the prices for seats. So there are people standing in the aisles for up to eight hours. People are crowded in the aisles leaning over the people in the seats all waiting for the moment when someone gets up so they can take the open seat. There is no space, and no fresh air, and if you do get up to use the bathroom you have to climb over people crumpled in the aisle way. When you return you have to argue with the person who took your seat to give you your seat back, which they will do, but they certainly don’t want to give it back, and I can understand why. They paid the exact same amount as you. People are constantly switching seats around every time someone leaves in the hopes that they can sit for a couple of minutes. When you are sitting you have people leaning against you or over you.

We were in a section of six seats. Two rows of three facing each other. Shawn and I were able to sit across from each other but Xiang Kai had to find a seat somewhere else on the train. I am bigger in size than your average Chinese woman, but I am also smaller in size and sometimes width of your average Chinese man. All the seats were occupied by men, sleeping men who were man spreading like cheerleaders doing the splits. These men took every inch of space available leaving me with very little room, and since I did not have the Chinese power of sleeping in impossible places, I was awake for the entire 8 to 9 hour train ride. I was the only foreigner and only white woman in the car, and quite possibly the train. In these situations I would often encounter staring and some people would sneak or blatantly take my photo, but at 1:00 in the morning on a crowded warm train, no one cared about me, other than the fact that I was sitting and my seat was valuable.

When we left Zhengzhou it was crowded with all the seats occupied and some people sleep-standing in the aisles. Once we reached Luoyang, it became more crowded and people were nearly sitting on top of each other. One man slept precariously balanced on the top of my seat and draped over me like a throw blanket.

At one point, a group in the section across from us, who all seemed to be traveling together, had people sitting on top of the backrest. They were laughing, and loudly playing a game, and watching programs on their phones at full volume. Sho Boa who was sitting across from me leaned forward.  Thumbing his hand in their direction he said, “Look at them. What do they think they are in? Their house?” He gave them a brief scowl and then quickly feel asleep. I watched him slumber with an envious anger and an incredible urge to kick him awake so he could suffer like I was suffering. Xiang Kai was in a separate car, but had mentioned he had managed to sleep.

Packaged chicken feet in a convenient store in China.
Packaged chicken feet.

Huanyin City, 7:00 a.m.

When we arrived in Huayin City at 7:00 in the morning, I had not slept one wink. Exhausted, I followed the two rested men to hike a mountain peak, that unknown to me at the time, was 7,000 ft.

We had boarded the train around 1:00 am and arrived around 8:30 a.m. We took a taxi from the Huayin station to the village at the base of the mountain, and finally began our hike around 9:00 a.m. We had three large bottles of water, some strange meat paste, a few bready bits of snack food, and a bag of spicy chicken feet.

I was hungry, exhausted, and irritable due to lack of sleep, but I was also very excited. I was about to hike Mt. Hua, China’s most dangerous mountain. Did I know it was considered the most dangerous mountain to hike? Kind of. Word to the wise from the foolish: Do your own research.

Check back for part 3.

Hiking China’s Sacred Mountain Hàushān: A Journey to Healing Grief, Part. 1

Huashan mountains viewed through the clouds.
Hiking above the clouds
It took us another eight hours of climbing vertical steps through damp vertical caves and along precarious edges of steep cliff sides. Sho Boa was our guide. He wanted to race to the top of the mountain, often criticizing Xiang Kai and me if we wanted to sit for a moment, or if we were moving too slowly. I was grateful to have Xiang Kai on my side. 

Sho Boa claimed he was the true hiker among us. He was climbing the mountain to defeat it. His desire to reach the peak and reach the bottom in the fastest time possible meant he was a conqueror. I’m not this person. I wanted to sit and reflect and bask in nature and observe the multitudes of people around me. I wanted to meditate and reflect. Mt. Hua was one of China's 5 sacred mountains. I wasn't from China, and when would I ever be back? I wanted to absorb it all in, but between the enormous crowds and Sho Boa's constant insistent pushing, hiking Hua Shan felt more like a military drill than a joyous hike. I didn’t know what was going on in Xiang Kai’s mind except that he wanted to stop and sit as much as I did. From time to time, Xiang Kai would shoot me look of irritation and disdain. "Ignore him," he’d say, "let’s sit, make him wait."

My Mother Died While I Was Teaching in China

It isn’t easy to lose a parent under any circumstance. Whether you lose them when you are young, or when they are very old. Whether you lose them to a long lingering illness or to a sudden accident. Each type of death results in the same thing. Your parent is dead and death is for the living to deal with. If I could have chosen how my mom died, I would have picked that she lived at least to her 80’s, and that she had a full joyful life, and that old age had finally decided that it was time for her to go. I would have sat beside her, holding her hand, telling her that I was going to be fine and that she could let go. That’s what I would have chosen. We don’t get to choose.

My mother was found dead on the floor of her bedroom. I wasn’t at her bedside. I was in China getting ready for my classes when I checked a Facebook message telling me to Skype a friend of hers: “that it was important”. Her life had been difficult and full of heartbreak, loss, grief, and addiction. Her greatest fear was to die alone and that is exactly how she died. The death certificate said it was a methamphetamine overdose. My only sliver of consolation regarding her death is that it may have been quick and painless. I hope she didn’t have a moment to know she was dying, so that she didn’t know she was alone at her death. We don’t get to choose. We get what we get.

A peek of a mountain top through the clouds from 1,000 meters up.
1,000 meters halfway point to the peak.

Invited to Hike Huashan

The Five Sacred Mountains

Located in Shaanxi Province, not too far from Xi’an (place of the terra cotta warriors), Huashan is the Western Mountain of the 5 sacred mountains of China. The five mountains are Taishan (泰山), the East mountain in the Shangdong province; Hengshan (衡山), the South mountain in the Hunan province; Hengshan (恒山), ( not a mistake it has the same name in pinyin, but is different in Chinese) the North mountain in the Shanxi province; Songshan (嵩山) the Center mountain in Henan province; and Huashan (華山) the West mountain in the Shaanxi province. During my first month in China, I went to Sōng Shān while visiting the Shaolin Temple, but at the time I was not aware of the mountain’s sacred significance.

There are many sacred mountains in China for example Buddhism has four of its own sacred mountains, and Taoism also has four of its own sacred mountains. All of these mountains have been places of pilgrimages throughout Chinese history, and are the subjects of many paintings and poems. The Five Sacred Mountains, also called The Five Great Mountains, have been connected to imperial pilgrimages performed by Chinese emperors. The mountains are connected to the Supreme God of Heaven and the Five Highest Deities. Which may explain many of the stunning temples and hermitages built on the side of Mt. Hua.

A view of the path on the western mountain of Huashan.
At 1,000 meters. If you look carefully you can see people walking on the blade of a mountain pass.

HuaShan

Huashan, Huà Shān, Hua Mountain, Mount Hua, and “number one steepest mountain under heaven”, however you say the name, it is all the same glorious mountain. Huà in Chinese means flower and shān means mountain, so the literal translation is flower mountain or 華山 flowery mountain. It is said to get its name from the five mountain peaks that look like a lotus flower.

Huashan was close enough to travel to in a day, but proximity does not equal facilely. Its reputation as one of the five sacred mountains is “China’s most dangerous”. It’s difficult to find exact numbers as to how many casualties and deaths may have occurred on Mount Hua, but after my own experience hiking it, I can assume that the number could be relatively high. Sho Boa said that you can’t find any numbers because the government doesn’t want the public to know the casualty rate because they don’t want to deter tourism. I don’t know if he meant city, provincial, or country government, but with the sketchy conditions, and population of inexperienced climbers (myself include), and the trash left behind, a little negative advertisement might be a good thing.

My Own Sacred Pilgrimage

As an outsider to China, it was easy to attach myself to the romantic connotations associated with ancient Chinese traditions. Taoist beliefs and Buddhist rites of passage have a mystic allure to a foreigner like myself. It was easy to imagine myself like the female version of Brad Pitt in Seven Years in Tibet or Bill Murray’s, Larry Darrell in The Razor’s Edge.

I envisioned myself reaching the peak of the mountain. In a moment of reverie sunlight breaks through the clouds or rises over the crest. I am filled with a sense of peace, gratitude, and a higher understanding of what life is about. Questions as to why we are here, and why I am here are answered. Then I feel a dawning acceptance of my mother’s death. I understand why she died like she did, and why I wasn’t able to save her. I know that death like life is beautiful.

Sadly, but not surprisingly, I did not reach this zenith of enlightenment. I was not awash in answers. I was achy and irritable. In fact, in retrospect, the entire journey from the city to the peak and back was farcical. I was more like John Goodman in the Big Lebowski than anything else, or The Dude maybe. Perhaps my journey was to feel exactly what I felt; achy, despondent, irritable, depressed, frightened, exhausted, in pain, befuddled, grieving, and longing for my mother to be alive. Of course, before the hike I didn’t know I was going to feel anyway other than joyful; and whatever enlightenment feels like.

A bright red prayer ribbon tied to budding blossoms on trees.
A wish for peace

The evening we were to leave, I poured some of my mom’s ashes (that I had brought with me from America) into a small box and put them in my backpack. If I made it to the peak then I would leave that little part of her there on that mountain top. It would be the closest I’d ever get to the stars. If I made it.

I read that it was a dangerous and steep hike. The highest mountain I’ve ever hiked. At least up to that point. I wasn’t sure which peak were were going to tackle, but Sho Boa insisted he had it all figured out, so I packed my bag, and waited for Sho Boa and Xiang Kai to meet me at my apartment. Our overnight train was at 1:00 a.m., but Sho Boa wanted us to get there around 11:00 p.m. so that we could pick up some snacks for the trip.

I had no idea what I was in for, but again, in retrospect, if I had a better idea of what was ahead of me, I would have taken a nap.

Continued…

Sharp mountains reach toward a gray sky. Bright green foliage grow around stones.
Base of Huashan

Travel to Suwon City and Hwaseong Fortress

Suwon is south of Seoul, South Korea. It is about 45 minutes to an hour away depending on your choice of travel. It is the capitol city of Gyeonggi-do (경기도) or Gyeonggi province. 도 (pronounced Doh) in this context means province. South Korea has 8 provinces, 6 metropolitan cities that act as their own entities, a self-governing province which is an island-Jeju-do (here 도 means both province and island) and special cities like Seoul and Sejong. Sejong is a special autonomous city in South Korea which I don’t really understand, but its meant to be a second capital, or something like that. I never had the chance to travel there while I had lived in South Korea.

It took me about 4 years to figure out that Seoul is surrounded by Gyeonggi-do. This is because I used to live in Suwon, which is south of Seoul. I assumed Seoul was north of Gyeonggi province. Then while living in Seoul we took a trip to see the 5 Royal Tombs in Goyang in Gyeonggi-do which is north of Seoul. Suwon is south of Seoul and Goyang is north, yet both Suwon and Goyang are in Gyeonggi-do. It was very confusing until I finally just looked at a map. Basically, if Seoul and Inchon weren’t considered special cities they’d be a part of Gyeonggi-do.

When I lived in Gwanggyo, a city within Suwon, within Gyeonggi-do, it took about 40 minutes to reach Gangnam via the subway. During the weekends, I would often travel to Seoul to explore, so it wasn’t until a year after we moved to Seoul that we finally made it to the Suwon Fortress also called Hwaseong Fortress (Brilliant Fortress), also called Suwon Hwaseong Fortress. Why so many names? It could be because there is a city in Gyeonggi-do that is right next to Suwon named Hwaseong, and both cities which used to be farmland have grown so much over the years, and where the fortress was originally built has gone through name changes. It’s confusing, but to clarify, Hwaseong Fortress is in Suwon city not Hwaseong city.

Our first stop was to look at a Hanok building at the Suwon Technology Exhibition hall and the Suwon Center for Traditional Culture. Eun had been taking some carpentry classes, and was interested in learning about the design and architecture behind these traditional Korean homes. So we decided to spend a little time learning about hanoks before exploring the fortress.

According to information given at Suwon Technology Exhibition hall hanoks were first designed during the Joseon Dynasty in the 14th century. The home or building is designed with the elements and the seasons in mind. This kind of planning is called baesanimsu. It brings to mind Feng Shui which would make sense given China’s influence over ancient Korea. Similar to Feng Shui, it is about the perfect harmony between the elements. It’s all about building the good energy. The houses were (and are as the tradition is still alive) different depending on in what part of Korea they were built. In the south, the layout of a house is different from ones in the north. The north is colder, so the design is square with a courtyard in the middle in order to keep the heat in (You can see an example of this style in my post from visiting a tea house in the Hanok village in Bukchon,) whereas if you travel to the south where it is warmer, the design is created to allow more airflow, so they are open and often L shaped. The most ideal elemental design is to have a mountain in the back and a river in the front, which is really close to my dream home of a mountain in the back and an ocean in the front; Pacific Northwest style. The hanok that we visited, before exploring the fortress, was a modern hanok built as a museum to educate people on the history and craftsmanship of these homes.

We wandered around this hanok, picking up literature on the history, and took photos of the onggi pots, where kimchee is traditionally fermented, then afterwards we walked toward the wall of the fortress.

It was meant to be the new capital when the fortress was built over 200 years ago. Long before Seoul was officially called Seoul it was Hanyang or Hanseong. King Jeongjo the 22nd king of the Joseon dynasty wanted to move the capital from Hanyang to Suwon. The reason being that the proximity to the Yellow Sea and China was better for commerce, and the King believed he could make changes to better the Dynasty, and moving to Suwon was a step in this direction of his reforms.

The Hwaseong Fortress was not only the beginning of a new capital, but it was a military complex and a burial place for his father Prince Sado. It was built between 1794 and 1796 (when John Adams became the 2nd U.S. president) by King Jeongjo of the Joseon Dynasty to remember his father who was executed by his grandfather, King Yeongjo. If you’re interested in more information on the history of this execution by rice, you can search Prince Sado and begin the descent into the rabbit hole of Joseon history. There are also many Korean dramas that tell the story like The Throne and The Secret Door.

The location of the fortress although a strategic choice also fulfills the baesanimsu with a mountain in the back and a river in the front.  It has been designated as a UNESCO world heritage site because according to UNESCO, “It is an outstanding example of early modern military architecture.” It’s pretty fun to think of how many UNESCO sites Eun and I have visited here in South Korea.

It has many defensive features and was almost impenetrable except for the part facing the river. Due to this possible exposure to enemies the King had watergates with iron bars built along the parts of the wall that cross the river. What you can see today are canons, and towers with windows where soldiers could shoot arrows, along with beacon towers that would have been lit to warn about a coming enemy.

It took three years to build Hwaseong, and was built with the latest technology of the times, and it incorporated eastern and western architectural design elements. Two other aspects that make it unique and a part of UNESCO’s heritage list is its military and commercial functions along with it being built over mountains and a river. It influenced Korean architecture for years to come.  It never did become the new capital though, because soon after it was completed the King died.  If you are interested in architecture, in particular military architecture, I recommend starting with this wikipedia page and continuing on from there. The page gives a lot of detail on all parts of the fortress. It was built to withstand war and invaders, but of course King Jeongjo and those who designed it had no idea of the violence, weaponry, and destruction that would come from the 20th century wars.

The view along the walk toward the NE side of the fortress.
Hwahongmun the Northern Floodgate

A Devastating History

During the Korean War up to 60% of the fortress had been damaged. It was reconstructed in the 1970’s using the “Records of Hwaseong Fortress Construction” that were written in 1801 not long after the king had died. It is not visible to the untrained eye as to what parts had been rebuilt and which are authentic. Having learned about this destruction while visiting the Hwaseong Fortress, reminded me of visiting parts of Germany and Poland. Cities like Nuremberg and Warsaw, that were 85% to 95% destroyed yet recreated to such historical accuracy that one would never know that bombs had been dropped on the streets where you stood. Suwon, like Seoul had been taken by the North Korean army very early into the war. What many people outside of Korea don’t know is that 5 million people lost their lives, more than half of whom were civilians. Much of the fighting was around Suwon which is only 45 kilometers away from the capital where the first invasion took place. Yet, today, walking the battlements of this ancient wall that was built over 200 years ago, and is still standing after multiple Japanese invasions; destruction during Japanese colonization; attacks during WWII; and then lastly the Korean War, if you didn’t know the history, you would never know what had happened here. You cannot tell that these walls had ever fallen nor that in 2006 an arsonist tried to burn one of the towers down.

I know that we didn’t walk the nearly 4 miles around the fortress, but we spent about four hours out there that day. I did much of my research after the visit which is too bad since knowing a history of a place while visiting makes it all the more interesting. We started our exploration at Janganmun Gate which is the north gate of the city. Unfortunately, the air was not that good on the day we visited. The pollution levels were a bit high and the photos have that reflective glare that one gets when the sunlight is filtered through smog.

Yongyeon pond and Dongbukgakru command post.

At the time of our visit Janganmun Gate was under some reconstruction, so we were not able to see the interior of the gate, but we were able to go inside the pavillon on the top of the gate where the gaurds would have rested in between sentry duty. From the north gate we headed toward the east.

Yeonmudae also named Dongjangdae. This is the eastern command post.

We walked half-way around the wall, mainly sticking to the wall itself and not going into the interior parts of the city. We will have to make another trip out to explore more extensively; especially now, knowing more about the fortress and its history.

Yeonmudae stone steps
Posing in front of Yeonmudae
East gate of Dongjangdae the command post.
Flags at Changnyongmun the east gate.

We made it a little past the east gate also called Changnyongmun, (also called Dongmun) before we started to get hungry and also before it got too dark. Our visit to the fortress was in the late fall and night began early. On the way we passed an archery field called Dongbuknodae where soldiers were intended to practice their archery. Today, for 2,000 won (about $1.75) you can try to shoot an arrow and step into the ghostly shoes of Joseon soldiers.

We reached the east gate and wandered along this portion of the wall and explored towers and crossbow platforms. We rested in a pavilion called Dongilporu, and watched the sun set behind the mountain.

Changnyongmun Gate, also known as Dongmun, is the eastern gate of Hwaseong.

As soon as the sun dropped out of view the air quickly dipped from comfortable to chilly, and we decided to end our exploration due to the chill, the dark, and we were both hungry. We headed back toward the North gate and cut away from the wall. We were not certain as to which side of the wall were were on at one point, but we allowed our noses to guide us toward food. What we could smell was fried chicken. Which made sense since Suwon has a street called Chicken Street that is famous for fried chicken.

Bongdon signal beacons

By way of back roads we walked past dilapidated homes and empty lots. We wandered through small markets and then found our way back toward the wall. Using GPS we found our way to Chicken Street which was also part of this trip’s visit. I wrote a post on chicken street here.

We saw less than half of the fortress. If you want to see everything in a day you’ll need to come early as there is much to see. Along with the many features on the wall itself there are also the places within the walled city, including the tomb of Prince Sado, the palaces, and the shrines. It is our intention to return, and of course if you make your way out to the Fortress you must also visit Chicken Street for some excellent fried chicken.

Sunset in Suwon

If you are looking for day trips to take outside of Seoul this is a good one. Depending on where you are staying it is 45 minutes to an hour subway/bus ride outside of Seoul. Seoul is a fun city to visit and travel to, but if you make it as far as South Korea, it is in your best interest to see what is also offered outside of Seoul.

Till next time.

Accidental Vagabond

Help keep this Blog Going. If you enjoy the content please donate. All donations go to keeping the blog up and running.

Choose an amount

$3.00
$8.00
$15.00

Or enter a custom amount

$

Your contribution is incredibly appreciated.

Donate

What Are the Five Grand Palaces of Seoul?

Hyangwonjeong Pavilion

Sources are listed below. If you’d like more information on a certain subject click on the bold text and it will take you to a source. There are hundreds of blog posts on The 5 Grand Palaces, anyone of them will tell you about each palace, including this one. However, this blog is pretty selfish, since I talk about me.

I lived in Seoul from 2018 to 2023, and during that time I visited three of the 5 grand palaces. Two questions that may arise from this statement may be, “What are the 5 grand palaces”, and “you were in Seoul for five years, why only three palaces?”

I’m glad you asked.

What are the 5 Grand Palaces? 

The Joseon Dynasty, also seen written in English as Chosŏn, was the longest and last imperial dynasty of Korea. It was founded in 1392, (100 years before Christopher Columbus took credit for discovering America) by King Taejo, who was previously known as the general Yi Seong-gye. Yi Seong-gye declared himself the ruler of the new dynasty after overthrowing, exiling and then secretly killing, the king of the Goryeo Dynasty, which had been around for 475 years. Not a bad run, Goryeo. He ascended to the throne as King Taejo, marking the start of the Joseon Dynasty, which would last for approximately five centuries until 1910, about 40 years longer than Goryeo. Put into some context of time, as of writing this post in 2023 the United States isn’t even 250 years old. We haven’t even made it halfway. Yet we act like we know it all. The capital was initially established in Hanyang, which is present-day Seoul. During the 500 plus year reign 5 palaces were built between 1395 and 1617. However all 5 palaces have been subjected to destruction through invasions, wars, uprisings, and occupations, so new buildings and expansions had been constructed over the course of the 500 years. There have also been many renovations and later reconstructions that have continued up until today.

Why Only Visit 3 palaces in 5 years?

Although all 5 palaces are relatively close to each other, and not too far from where I lived, living in a place and visiting/vacationing in a place are two different things. Just like living anywhere your days are consumed by work and daily tasks and dull responsibilities and desperate moments of escape through Netflix and other streaming services. When it came to vacation time we often would leave Seoul to explore other places. I did try to see all the palaces, but due to confusion, I ended up visiting Gyeonbok palace multiple times, when I probably could have been visiting the remaining 2, more on this later.

Korean chimneys at Amisan garden in Gyeonbuk palace.
Amisan garden with Chimneys. Built in 1869. Korean National treasure No. 811
  • Gyeongbokgung Palace:
    • Constructed in 1395, Gyeongbokgung was the first palace built during the Joseon Dynasty and served as the main royal palace.
  • Changdeokgung Palace:
    • Initially constructed in 1405, Changdeokgung was later expanded and became one of the main palaces in Seoul. It served as a secondary palace to Gyeongbokgung.
  • Changgyeonggung Palace:
    • Originating in the Goryeo Dynasty (built in 1104) and transformed during the Joseon era. Changgyeong was built on the site of and renovated from parts of the summer palace “Suganggung” of the Goryeo Dynasty. Changgyeonggung underwent a name change and several reconstructions. It served various purposes over the centuries, including as a residence for queens and concubines, and as a temporary residence for the Japanese governor-general during the colonial period.
  • Deoksugung Palace (Gyeongungung):
    • Initially constructed in the late 16th century, Deoksugung served different roles throughout its history, including as a residence for King Seonjo and later as a temporary royal residence during the late 19th and early 20th centuries.
  • Gyeonghuigung Palace:
    • Established in 1617, Gyeonghuigung served as a secondary palace and underwent multiple reconstructions. It was the last of the Five Grand Palaces to be built. Although, not the last to be completed.
Geunjeongjeon Hall or the Throne Hall of Gyeongbok palace in Seoul, South Korea.
Geunjeongjeon Hall

The Palaces and My Visits

14th Century

Gyeongbokgung (Gyeongbok Palace) was the first of the five Grand Palaces of Seoul to be built during the long 500 plus years’ reign. Gyeongbokgung was built in 1395, and it is the largest of all five. Its architecture and design is magnificent and bold. The wood structures are bright reds and blues and the fired clay tiled rooftops sweep like the upturned wings of birds of prey. Small intricate carvings adorn the tiles, and each end beam is painted with colorful patterns.

 bridge to the Royal Banquet Hall Gyeonghoeru

There is a lot to Korean architecture much like the Chinese and Japanese there is a purpose and meaning behind the building. In Korea it has a lot to do with nature and something called geomancy which I plan to write about at a later time. The structure is conspicuous with its impressive gates, halls, and tall beams and beautiful gardens. It is the largest of all five of the Grand Palaces, and every website and blog that I visited claimed it to be “arguably the most beautiful”. I do believe one can argue this remark as beauty is subjective. I don’t know if it’s the most beautiful overall, but it is large and has some beautiful parts, nothing is ugly, but most beautiful is as I said, subjective. However, I do believe it is one of the most popular of the five and most visited. 

As mentioned, the palace was originally built in 1395, that’s almost 100 years before Columbus stumbled onto an already inhabited land and claimed it for Spain. In the 16th century (1592 to be more exact) the palace was demolished and destroyed by the Japanese, and not reconstructed until 1867, the same year that Alaska was purchased from Russia. 

During the Japanese occupation of the 20th century, the Japanese destroyed or dismantled all but 10 of the original buildings, and then to add insult to injury they built the Imperial Government building on the site of the palace and directly in front of Geunjeongjeon Hall the former throne room of the Kings of the Joseon Dynasty. In this way the Korean’s not only lost their independence and didn’t know if they had a future they also were denied a view of their past. Why would the Japanese not destroy all evidence of the palace? One could argue that they kept what they thought was the most beautiful for themselves, like the pavilion and the surrounding garden. During the occupation the throne room was often used as an exhibition hall taking away all sense of authority and reducing it to a commercial space. Long after the occupation, which ended with WW2 for obvious reasons, and the devastation of the Korean war; restoration of Gyeongbuk began in 1989. The Japanese General Government building was demolished in 1995.

I’ve visited this palace at least seven times.
  • My first visit to Gyeonbokgung was in the spring of 2017. At the time, I was living in Gwanggyo, which is a city in Gyeonggi, a neighboring province. It is about an hour away from Seoul by subway. During my first visit, I didn’t enter the gate but wandered about the East side of the palace near the National Folk Museum
  • My second visit was in the summer of 2017. I was still living in Gwanggyo, and during this visit I went with a friend of mine who had been living in Dongcheon, another small city in Gyeonggi-do. On the weekends we would often meet up on the subway and then take the Shinbundang line into Seoul. On this particular visit we entered through the East side but only took a few pictures inside the outer courtyard or oejeon where you can see the inside of the Gwanghwamun Gate (southern and main gate) and the outside of Heungnyemun Gate which is the second gate of the palace that will lead you into the inner court or naejeon.  
  • On my third visit to Gyeonbukgung, also in the summer of 2017, I finally went inside the second gate (Heungnyemun) and onto the palace grounds. Visit three was also with a friend of mine that was visiting from Masan, a small city in the southern part of South Korea. Aside from seeing more of the palace during this visit we also partook in a tea ceremony. 
  • My fourth visit was in the fall of 2018. At this time I had moved to Seoul and lived about a 30 minute bus ride from Gyeonbukgung. A friend of mine had come to visit from China, and we visited the palace, but only the outer courtyard.
  • My fifth visit was in the spring of 2019 when some friends from Prague (Czechia) came to visit. Now, on this visit I selfishly tried to take them to Changdeokgung because I wanted to see the secret garden, but I got the Hyangwonjeong Pavilion confused with the Huwon or Biwon also known as “the secret garden”.

The reason for my confusion was because during my 2017 visit the pavilion was under construction, and my brain had decided that this was the secret garden. I never bothered to look it up. I also just never remembered which palace it was that I kept visiting, so when I arrived for the fifth time, I remember thinking, “ah damn, I always come to the same palace.” My friends of course had never been to any of the palaces so it was fine. The pavilion was still under construction.

A woman poses in front of Heungnyemun the second Gate of Gyeongbokgung in Seoul, South Korea.
  • My sixth visit took place in the spring of 2023. Probably, for the first time in my many visits to Gyeonbukgung, I went intentionally. The unknown and fear of the pandemic was in the rearview mirror, and more and more things had opened up. For the first time since I had moved to Seoul Gyeonbukgung was open in the evening. Eun and I went together for this summer event. 
A night photograph of Gyeonghoeru the Royal banquet hall or Gyeongbok palace, Seoul, South Korea.
Gyeonghoeru, The Royal Banquet Hall lit up at night
  • My seventh and final visit was in the summer of 2023. I again went intentionally, this time to finally see the Hyangwonjeong Pavilion which had been under construction since my first visit inside the palace in 2017.
The Hyangwonjeong Pavilion in the background, March 2023

15th Century

Changdeok palace was constructed in 1405, as a secondary palace to Gyeongbokgung, nearly 90 years before Columbus crashed into the Bahamas. After its initial construction the palace complex was expanded and it became the most favored by Korean kings from the late 15th century onwards. Known for its beautiful rear garden blending with the natural landscape which is part of geomancy. It is also the location of the famous Secret Garden, Biwon (비원) in Korean. This garden was built as a place for the royal family and women of the palace to relax and enjoy. Changdeokgung was badly damaged during the Imjin War the 1592-1596, and 1597-1598 a series of invasions by the Japanese. If you recall, Gyeongbokgung was destroyed in 1592, which would make Changdeokgung the primary palace by default. Although, Changdeokgung was also badly damaged in the wars which would mean that the main palace would have to be moved yet again to Changgyeongung which it’s lucky they already had the palace built; more on that next. Changdeokgung was rebuilt in 1609 (two years after Jamestown had been settled), but was damaged again when it was burnt down in 1623 by a military coup. Changedeokgung has been damaged multiple times over the centuries, however during each reconstruction it has remained true to its original form and because of this authenticity it was added to the list of UNESCO world heritage sites in 1997.

  • This is one of the palaces I never had the chance to visit. In fact, part of the reason I visited Gyeongbukgung so many times is because I kept trying to visit Changdeokgung, but got confused. They are not that far from each other and when looking on a map they look quite close. In fact, you use the same subway line to get there. It is possible to walk from Gyeongbukgung to Changdeokgung. In actuality all 5 of the palaces are in relative walking distance, but if you are short on time or don’t want to walk 45 minutes (I said relative as in meaning possible) the buses are a great way to go from palace to palace. 
  • I regret not seeing this palace as its reputation for beauty is high. Plus the famous secret garden which you have to purchase a second ticket to enter, so you need to time your purchase and entrance right, especially during the crowded summers. This timing thing has never been a forte of mine. A friend and I did try to make it to Changdeokgung in my last month of living in Seoul, but it was during the Royal Cultural Festival and all the tickets to Changdeokgung and Gyeonbokgung had been sold out. Alas. 

15th Century

It was first called Suganggung and was built in 1104 during the Goryeo reign as a summer palace for King Sukjong of the Goryeo dynasty. After Yi Seong-gye defeated Goryeo he resided in Suganggung until Gyeongbukgung was built. A side note, Kaesong also seen written as Gaegyeong was the capital of the Goryeo dynasty which is in what we now call North Korea. It can be difficult to picture it with our modern maps and politics, but Goryeo once controlled all of the land that we now call North and South Korea. Later in the mid-1400’s under the fourth ruler of the Joseon Dynasty, King Sejong (the Great King who invented Hungul the Korean alphabet) built the palace as a gift for his father, the third Joseon King, King Taejong; more like a resting place than a gift. I found one site that stated that King Sejong built Changgyeonggung in 1418, whereas most sites including Wikipedia state mid-1400’s. I’m not great at math, but 1418 seems to me to be a lot closer to early 1400’s than mid-1400’s. Since King Taejong died in 1422, I’m going to go with Go!Go! Hanguk’s date until I get my hands on some printed text. Another side note, when it comes to dates on construction or establishment which just means that they decided that on this particular property they are planning to build a palace, Changgyeonggung is the most confusing to get the dates clear. My guess is that there hasn’t been a lot of English write ups on the Goryeo Dynasty because there isn’t much left to see of this dynasty, and the top sites are travel sites, so its a lot of regurgitation of the same information. I have my own deduction as to why it is difficult to tact down an exact date. My thoughts are that in 1104 there was already a palace in the same location. King Sukjong’s summer palace that may or may not have been called Suganggung. Then in 1392 after the fall of the Goryeo Dynasty, King Taejo the first of the King’s of the Joseon Dynasty moved into the former summer palace while Gyeongbukgung was being built. So, obviously some structure had to already be in place, and the man’s a king so it can’t be a shabby shack, and it was a royal summer palace, so I imagine it was beautiful in its own right. Then presumably, in 1418ish, King Sejong either added on or renovated or expanded the former Goryeo structure. I suppose he could have had it all torn down, but I don’t know, I’m just tossing this idea around trying to elucidate for myself when this palace was actually built. During the time that King Sejong built the palace and King Taejong resided there it was called Suganggung, this is for certain. Then in 1483, it was renovated and enlarged by King Seonjong the ninth King of the Joseon Dynasty. Perhaps it was during this time that the intention of its construction was to be a residential home for the queen, and the king’s concubines. Okay back to the main focus:

Myeongjeongjeon

There was a lot of upheaval and destruction at Changgyeonggung through multiple Japanese invasions and during Japanese colonialism. Due to the multiple damages, destruction, rebuilding, and renovations over the centuries, Changgyeongung features a mix of architectural styles, including traditional Korean and Western influences. The palace grounds include gardens and a victorian style greenhouse designed by the famous Japanese horticulturist Hayato Fukuba, and built by a French architectural company, whose name I haven’t yet located. Changgyeonggung features a large botanical garden with many indigenous Korean plant species. During the Japanese occupation that began in 1910, Changgyeonggung was turned into a zoo. The zoo was Korea’s first, and built in 1909, which date wise informs you that Japan was already planning to occupy Korea. I also saw a source that said the Daeonsil, the greenhouse, was built in 1907 which if true shows that the Japanese were planning their occupation at least 3 years in advance of the “official date.” I imagine all occupations take a bit of planning. After the end of the Japanese occupation the palace was restored to much of its original design, and many of the Japanese buildings were torn down, however the greenhouse, which is quite lovely, remains. When I say original I mean either the 1418 design, but more likely the 1483 design when it was given the name Changgyeongung.

A close-up picture of the red and salmon colored Honghwamun, The Outer Gate to Changgyeonggung.
Honghwamun, The Outer Gate to Changgyeonggung
  • The first time I came to Changgyeongung, was the very first time I ever came to South Korea. I first visited Seoul in 2014, during a 24 hour layover on a trip from China to the Czech Republic (Czechia). I had stayed in a hostel with the word “Banana” in its name. During my layover I wandered the neighborhood which was a multitude of connecting alleyways; ate in a small little high quality hole in in the wall restaurant; and I visited a palace. At the time, I never imagined that I would, not only return to Korea, but that I would live there for 7 years. I didn’t know the name of the palace I had visited as I didn’t speak to anyone other than the hostel receptionist during check in, and with a sales girl at Tony Moly (토니모리) as I bought my first Korean beauty product of snail cream, not even knowing that the Korean beauty industry was a multi-billion dollar business; nor that I just bought a cream made of snails. I only saw a very tiny part of it, as I didn’t see the greenhouse or the beautiful pond surrounded by lush green trees and bushes, yet it stuck with me. I was so in awe of the outer stone courtyard and the standing tiles that looked like grave stones, that I now know are rank stones which marked where members of the royal court were permitted to stand during ceremonies. I moved to Seoul in 2018, and since I had arrived in the major metropolitan city, I had been searching for the palace I had first visited 3 years prior. Hence, another reason why I had visited Gyeongbokgung so many times. Each time I would go to Gyeongbokgung, I knew I was not at the right place, but I could not recall which palace was my first. 
The royal greenhouse of Changgyeonggung lit up at night.
Daeonsil Greenhouse
  • It wasn’t until my last month in Seoul when a friend and I walked from Gyeongbokgung in the direction of what we thought would be Changdeokgung. It was a 45 minute walk to Changgyeongung. The palace was open for the summer nights, and my friend and I were able to enjoy a light show that played on a tree that grew on a small island in the manmade pond. Once inside the courtyard, I recognized it immediately as the palace I had visited in 2015. It felt like I had come full circle. Changgyeongung and Changdeokgung are practically connected, so it is easy to confuse one for the other.
a close up of rank stones and flat stone at Changgyeonggung in Seoul, South Korea.
Rank Stones at Changgyeonggung

16th Century

Deoksugung Palace, originally known as Gyeongungung, was established in the late 16th century during the reign of King Seonjo the 14th king of the Joseon Dynasty. This palace like Changgyeonggung has a complicated and confusing history, hence the “late 16th century” date. Before it became a palace it was the home of Grand Prince Wolsan, the older brother of King Seongjong the 9th Joseon king. Prince Wolsan died in 1488 a solid 100 years before the Imjin Wars, so either his residence remained intact and lived in by other family members or it was empty. The plan to actually turn it into a royal palace came about in 1592, coincidentally around the same time that Gyeongbukgung was destroyed. Construction on Deoksugung (it wouldn’t get this name until 1907) or Gyeongungung began in 1592 (two years after the Roanoke Colony had disappeared), but due to the Japanese invasions of Korea (1592-1596 & 1597-1598, Imjin Wars), it was interrupted. Because of the war, many structures of Gyeongungung were damaged or left incomplete during the initial construction phase in 1592. I am not sure what parts of Gyeongungung were from Grand Prince Wolsan’s residence is any part was, but the palace wasn’t completed until 1595 or 1958. Meanwhile, in the America’s during the same time we were having our own colonial invasions. In 1598, the same year that Gyeongungung was completed Juan de Oñate attacked and massacred the Ácoma Pueblo in what is now New Mexico.

Gyeongungung was meant to be an auxiliary palace, but it became a temporary royal residence after the Japanese destroyed Gyeongbokgung in 1592, along with badly damaging Changdeokgung and Changgyeonggung. It became an official royal palace in 1611 when the King Gwanghaegun, the 15th ruler, finally decided to give it the name Gyeongungung. Prior to 1611, I don’t know what they called it. Uncle Wolsan’s place? The palace was completed in 1595, but it has a unique fusion of traditional Korean and Western architecture after a Western-style wing was added in 1897. This Western-style building, Jeonggwanheon, was designed by a Russian architect. It was turned into a cafeteria during the Japanese occupation. In 1907, the year the greenhouse at Changgyeonggung was built, Gyeongungung’s name was changed to Deoksugung. The name which means longevity was chosen in hopes that it would save the dynasty (at the time declared and Empire) and the Korean peoples, but unfortunately, as history shows, the Joseon family dynasty would fall, and Korea would be occupied for 35 years. As for Deoksugung, much of the original palace was destroyed or dismantled and the palace that you can see and visit today is only 1/3 its original size.

  • Although I have passed this palace multiple times since I had lived in Seoul, it wasn’t until 2023, my last days in Seoul, that I finally made a visit. The main gate of Deoksugung is often overcrowded with protesters, often of the older generation, and there are large banners, that at times, over shadow the main gate. The protestors often deterred me from entering the palace. In the beginning, I thought maybe they were protesting the actual palace, but after years of living in Seoul, I had learned that on the weekends there is always a protest, and all this political activity takes place in the square across from City Hall and Seoul Plaza. Protests will extend down the length of Sejong road leading to Gwanghwamun square as this is where many of the embassies are located including the U.S. Embassy.
Indoor walls of Deoksu Palace

The day my friend and I went to the palace was Pride week and it was meant to be the day of the Pride parade which we both would have loved to have seen, but a far-right religious and anti-LGBTQ+ group had managed to snag the space for their Youth for Christ march. Although the Pride Organization had applied well in advance as they do each year since they have held the parade, Korea’s new and very conservative President granted the day to the church, as he said “events for children and teenagers get a priority when requests are filed for a same date”. (I must say though, as someone who was there, that was the angriest children’s event I’ve ever been forced to listen to.) As we passed through the gate and onto the palace grounds, we could hear the angry screams and shouts from the church group, and like a dome of verbiage the screams followed us to nearly every part of the palace grounds.  It was an incredibly hot day and all that hellfire, damnation, and brimstone gave our tour of the grounds an unpleasant vibe. I would have preferred fun music of Pride over the screams or better yet silence, but we did our best to enjoy the palace grounds. Once the marching started the angry group took their yells on the road, it left leaving only the sounds of the city which blended into a dull hum, hiss and honks. 

Established in 1617 (the year that Pocahontas died), it was the last of the Five Grand Palaces to be built. Although the foundation for the palace was in 1617, Gyeonghuigung wasn’t constructed until 1623 and underwent multiple reconstructions. Gyeonghuigung served as a secondary palace to Gyeongbokgung, but later served as the main palace during the 19th century. It was remodeled in 1855 with an architectural style integrating tradition and innovation. It was the setting for major political events such as King Gojong‘s return from the Russian legation where he sought refuge in 1896, and Korea’s independence proclamation from Imperial China’s rule in 1897. It was also the site of where the Korean Empire was proclaimed in 1897. Much of the palace was destroyed by fires, and during the Japanese occupation many of the buildings had been dissmantaled. Restoration efforts have been ongoing, however, because the reconstruction didn’t begin until the 1990’s and the city had already been built up, a lot of what was lost can’t be restored. As of today, only 33% of the palace exists.

  • I never made it to Gyeonhuigung. During my last month in Seoul it was my intention to visit all five of the palaces, but unfortunately due to time constraints and schedule conflicts I was not able to reach this goal. In truth, I don’t even know exactly where this palace is located. I know it is either in Jongno or Insadong where the other four palaces are located and it is also located on the west side of what was the old city capital Hanseong.

Thank you for reliving this palace journey with me. I feel fortunate to have been able to see 3 of the 5 and I hope that I make it back to Seoul in the near future in order to finally see Changdeokgung and Gyeonhuigung, and of course, The Secret Garden.

Come back for future posts on greater details of each palace. I will also have write ups on other fortresses and buddhist temples, along with a two part story on our walk around the Seoul City Wall; the ancient former wall of the Hanseong Capital which was built during the Joseon Dynasty.

Till next time.

Accidental Vagabond

Help Keep this blog going. Any and all donations go to keeping this blog up.

Choose an amount

$3.00
$8.00
$15.00

Or enter a custom amount

$

Your contribution is beyond appreciated.

Donate
* Wikipedia provided the first step to basic information with links that lead to further resources. Please, if you can, donate to Wikipedia to keep it open for all people to use. Privatization can lead to abuse of information. If we collectively support it will help to keep the flow of information open and more accountable. I make a small monthly donation, and would love to donate more, which one day if profits come, I will. It's a great starting point when looking for information.
Other sources were Britannica, Korea.net, Go!Go!Hanguk, and many travel blogs.
There She Goes Again is a good blog for information if you wish to travel to South Korea. I used her blog a lot before visiting places in South Korea. I'd also like to recommend Korea By Me, as I have a soft spot for them for giving me a chance, plus they have a lot of information about Korea from a diverse group of people who are currently living in South Korea.

A Day in Seoul

CIMG6205

When my contract was up, and my visa expired I decided to not renew. Instead, I decided to leave China. I was ready to leave China. I had experienced the greatest loss of my life while I was living there, and that was the loss of my mother. Not only did I go through my experience of grief, which I still deal with, I had also simultaneously experienced culture shock. Culture shock is a strange beast and can be a bit difficult to recognize, but looking back on my time there I can say with certainty that I had had culture shock. Some days were worse than others. One would imagine that with death and shock that I would have been ready to run home, but for me there was no home. My mother was my home, and now that she was gone there was no place to call home. I did not want to return to America, but I didn’t want to be somewhere as challenging as China, yet I wanted something foreign; foreign to me. I decided to move to Prague in the Czech Republic.

CIMG6209
CIMG6213
CIMG6217

My flight went first in the direction of South Korea and then towards Europe. I had decided to extend my layover to 24 hours and used the opportunity to see some bit of South Korea. I literally had 24 hours, and so I used that time to try to see as much as I could in a very short amount of time. There are many palaces in Seoul, and fortunately the Gyeonghuigung Palace was close to the hostel where I was staying. I can not for the life of me even begin to imagine how to pronounce the name of the place, but my single day in Seoul was a silent one anyway.

CIMG6218
CIMG6221
CIMG6239

I wandered around the palace and walked around the district where I was staying. I had no idea of what kind of district I was visiting. Was it expensive? Was it where the foreigners lived? Was it a college area? I didn’t bother to figure it out. I only had two goals. One was to see something like a palace, and to get a small perception of what South Korea was like, in case I ever would want to return, and two, to find some food.

CIMG6240
CIMG6254

It was a solitary and quiet visit, and I can honestly say that a day is not enough time to spend in Seoul. It is a huge city with many different districts, and even in a single day I was not able to see the entire palace. Still, I’m glad I took the opportunity to take a peak. Compared to Zhengzhou, China, Seoul was a clean city. There was no trash on the street and the air was more clear although they did receive some of the pollution from China, and like China it felt very safe. So as I wandered through the streets I never felt worried that I would turn the wrong corner. There is so much freedom in this feeling of wandering.

CIMG6257

After I left the palace I decided to find somewhere to eat. I had wandered through the district for about two hours before I got lost in a market and then wandered down an alleyway. Here I hesitated because I was very hungry at this point and my hunger was clouding my ability to pick a location. It was at this moment when a Korean woman ushered me into her tiny little shop and she served me the special of the day.

CIMG6259
CIMG6263

I cannot emphasize how much I love Korean food. I love the textures, the spices, the colors, and I love how it is served. Every food item has an individual plate and it is all served in a sensible portion size. You feel full, but never stuffed.

CIMG6260
CIMG6261
CIMG6262

After eating I returned to my room that had pastel dots and square on the wall, and prepared for my long flight to Prague, and a new chapter of my life.

CIMG6294

I am writing about all of this in the past tense because it is past. It has been over a year since I stepped foot onto a sidewalk of Seoul, and at the time of typing these words it has been almost two months since I’ve left my beautiful Prague. I currently sit in the dining room of my friend’s house where I am staying as I plan my next move. A dear friend of mine asked me recently, “So what is your plan? You always have a plan.” I wasn’t aware of this, but thinking back on my life and the choices I’ve made, I think it is true. I do always have a plan. I don’t always succeed in that plan, but it doesn’t matter because when one plan fades or fails I’ll soon have another.

CIMG6317

So what is the plan? I plan to update this blog with the thoughts and memories and photos from the last two years of my life. I plan to return to my revery and release through writing, and I plan to have all of it documented here before I leave again. I am leaving again. At least that is the plan, and while it seems fairly strong that I will be returning to China, (and I’ll write more about that later) it is not impossible to imagine that I will also be returning to South Korea. I have too, because now I have a friend there, and I owe her a pillow.

CIMG6264

China Diaries: Why am I Struggling to Write About Life in China?

Daylight in Zhengzhou, China. Multiple scooters, cars and electric cargo trikes bottle-neck into crowds of pedestrians.
Crowded streets near the Zhengzhou train station

I have been in China for a little over a month. In fact, I am one week shy of two months, and I don’t know what to say about it.

There are plenty of topics from which I can choose to write a story. I could write about the air pollution. I could write about the traffic and the driving. I could talk about the cultural differences in ideas surrounding education. I could write about visiting Shaolin and what it felt like to have my picture taken as many times as some of the stunningly rebuilt temples. I could talk about what it is like to be a teacher in a program filled with China’s second generation of wealth. There is the food, the water, the toilets, the westerners there are many topics.

Erqi Memorial Tower at night in Erqi Square, Zhengzhou, China.
Erqi ( pronounced Archie) Memorial Tower in Erqi Square

Yet, when I face this computer screen and this blank page or when I hold a pen in my hand and stare down onto the blank sheets of paper in my journal, my mind is empty. I am unable to communicate into written word my experiences thus far. I’m certain I have been experiencing culture shock. There were days in my first week when I couldn’t go outside. I was like an agoraphobic unable to leave my apartment. It wasn’t only about how different it was, but how different I was in a crowd of thousands. I’ve never experienced these feelings before, and I am struggling to find the words to describe what I have been feeling, especially in the moments of paralysis.

Writing is the moment when I, an author, can be like the painter. When words translate impressions, observations, and feelings into verbal expressions. It is the time to recreate inner thoughts and experiences through figurative language in a way that guides others toward understanding those thoughts. Written words allow others to share in those experiences, maybe even pretend that they are the ones living vicariously through the words on the page. This is a particular type of writing. It is the type of writing I want to do. I have these words. I know I have these words. They are in my brain. I know it. I can feel them bubbling and rising to the surface of my mind, resting on the frontal lobe, and like water they soak in between the ropes of my brain. I sit up and grab a pen to write, but when I go to the desk they vanish.

I am left with a feeling of a wanting and an emptiness.

The Zhengzhou international conventaion center lit up at night with glowing purple, pink and blue colored lights.
Zhengzhou International Convention Center at night

“Use your English words.” I say this a lot in my classes.

“What does that mean?” I ask a student that is making a gesture with their hands. I think I know what they mean, by the gesture. I could easily say, “Yes, you are right that is the definition,” and let it go, but instead I say, “Use words. What do you mean by that gesture.” I push them because I have overestimated my understanding before, and communication has been lost. The point of our languages is to communicate. The student looks at me with a pensive look, “ummm… it is very hard. I do not know the words.”

My Chinese students are very good a memorizing. They are very good at taking tests. They are able to read a passage in English out loud, but when I ask them to explain what they have just read, they do not know. Reading skills are strong, but comprehension is low. The tests are not about comprehension, but recognition. They know the words in English, but they do not understand the words.

A class photograph of teachers at a school in China.
Year Book Photo, Teachers at Middle School #47

Language is complicated. It has four parts like a clover, yet within each part of learning a language there are deeper more complex units of understanding. It is beautiful. Multilingual people have a valuable gift. The gift of communication across nations. I don’t have this gift.

Use your English words”. I suppose that is where I need to begin. I can follow the advice of Raymond Carver and write a word, and then another word until I have a sentence, and then when I finish that sentence I will write another one. It’s like walking Carver said, “you put one foot in front of the other.”

And so, I can begin at the beginning.

I moved to Zhengzhou, pronounced Jengjo, China on the 25th of August. It is a large city in the largest province, in China; the Henan province. There are 80 million people living in Henan. There are 9 million people living in Zhengzhou. Those numbers are not exact, but they are close. There are 600 registered westerners living in Zhengzhou. I am one of those 600 westerners. 9 million Chinese citizens and 600 registered foreigners.

In my part of the city, the Central Business District, I have only seen foreigners who work at my school. Most days, I am the only non-Chinese. The only white person, and people stare and point, following me with their eyes. I am a foreigner. I can not hide this. Growing up white in a predominantly white town, and moving to a predominantly white city, I have never stood out. No, that isn’t right. Standing out can be fun, and positive, this is different. I am seen, yet invisible. All eyes are on me, but when I reach out for help eyes either turn away or turn blank, and some eyes scan me from head to toe, but somehow I am not seen, and my words are foreign.

I know other people have experienced this. People of color experience this even in their own country which must add another layer of otherness. You should be a part of the community because you were born there, but you are not, you are an outsider. The thought of that on top of what I currently am feeling wells up within me. I feel an empathy for others that I once only held as a sympathy. It’s lonely. It is a lonely feeling.

Few people speak English in my neighborhood. I do not speak Chinese. I do not even know the words. I am an alien in China. I am different. I am isolated. I am surrounded but alone. I don’t know the words. I don’t understand. I am alone without the language. My students they know my language, but they do not understand my language. So much is lost in the translation of gestures. It is just memorization without comprehension.

I am wrong. It is not lost in translation because there is no translation. I do not have the language to express to English readers these feelings of isolation within crowds. Yet, I teach English. My English fails me. What I wrote here today is the best I have to offer.

My Last Days in America: China Diaries

Portland, Oregon night city scape.
Photo by Tabitha Mort on Pexels.com

I’m what you call between employment. I need to make a small amount of money last a couple of months in two countries before my new job begins. I’m going to be a teacher. In China. I don’t know what that will be like, but hopefully in the next year I will be able to expound on this experience.

The journey started over a week ago. I ended my job, left my room in the house where I rented space, and I left Portland, OR.

Three women bundled in jackets posing on the beach in front of Haystack rock in Cannon Beach, Oregon.
An Oregon coastal January with friends

I’ve lived in Portland for almost thirteen years. It would be thirteen years’ on the 11th, but I didn’t quite make it. I had always had a love-hate relationship with the city. I loved the people I became friends with, I loved the easiness of living, I loved the beautiful scenery and the fresh woodsy air, but there was something I disliked too. It was a something that I could ever put my finger on and still can’t. A feeling of not really fitting in. I could never really make things “work” in Portland. I found that finding the job that was in line with my career dreams was unreachable except through volunteering (which I did but it never or rarely turned to pay) romantic relationships seemed impossible, and creatively I lumbered along like a bog sloth. I was complacent and I didn’t create, and I couldn’t break out of the rut. Yes, yes, I know this is not Portland’s problem it’s mine, but all the same, the dislikes compelled me to leave. To become uncomfortable.

I left Portland on the fifth of August. Most of my personal items were sold or given away. I’ve stored some boxes of books and photos, two small items of furniture, and various sentimental knick-knacks at a friend’s house (my former roommate/landlord). The contents of my life can literally fill a small car. I’ve packed two large pieces of luggage each weighing just under 50lbs. I have a carry on, my laptop, and a purse. These items will be my possessions for the next year.

In order to officially and legally work in China I had to go to the consulate in San Francisco to pick up my visa. This made for a great excuse to take a road trip from Portland to San Francisco where I could stop in a small college city called Chico to visit my mom.

My good friend and I decided to drive down to California together. It was her ideal really. She said it was a great excuse to visit her family, and also nothing is more fun than a road trip. My friend, and I are both Portland transplants. Both of us are Northern California natives, so a trip to California is also a visit to our places of birth.

A woman in dark sunglasses standing in from of a tree in front of glassy Crater Lake in Oregon.
Crater lake and me.

We stopped for a night in Crater Lake and camped. The night air was warm and smokey due to the fires in Southern Oregon. We made a small contained fire and ate snacks. We made vodka cocktails mixed with grapefruit juices manually squeezed from grapefruits, with added bing cherries and cherry juice. All of these items were left over from my going away party. We drank our cocktails in front of the fire. Cocktails and camping in Crater Lake seem contradictory to me like the two don’t belong. We needed beer or a bottle of whiskey. Vodka never struck me as a camping drink, but there are no rules.

In the morning we drove to the lodge and walked to one of the many viewing points. We walked on a hiking path to Discovery Point, and there we silently stared at the crystal water that reflected the clouds. The line between earth and sky was blurred and my thoughts drifted to my friend Sue who died six years ago. It was Sue who convinced me to move to Portland in the first place, and on our drive up from Chico, CA we stopped in Crater Lake. I hadn’t been to Crater Lake since that trip 13 year’s ago. Now, I was leaving and I would never see Sue again. I knew I wouldn’t see her again when I got the news of her death, but sometimes I forget she’s really gone and not just traveling. Death can be like that sometimes. You forget, but then you remember. You remember and you feel the loss, again.

It was hot and smokey like we were driving into desolation. The hazy sky reminded me of images of China’s cancer villages. Rarely a blue sky I was told. I’m hoping that it is not as thick as this burning air.

In truth, I never thought I would leave California, but life happens and sometimes your roads take you to places you did not expect to go.

In Shasta we took a detour to Whiskey Town Lake. We set up a make shift picnic and split a beer and ate cherries and chips. I waded into the water that was warm. The red clay beneath the water swirled under my feet and turned it pink, but only when I moved. I wanted to swim, but my suit was packed and I knew from many childhood experiences that the clay stained your clothing.

My home town of Paradise in northern California is in the foothills of the Sierra Nevadas. It gets hot and dry in the summer, and sometimes we’d get snow in the winter. My father left Paradise when I was seven or eight, but my mom lived there until her 50’s then she later moved to Chico which is only 20 miles west of Paradise. I didn’t get to make it to Paradise before I heading to San Fransisco, since my parents no longer live there and most of my friends have moved away, but I did visit Chico to spend time with my mom.

We drove the rest of the way to Chico, and spent a night with my mother. That evening we went to a bar I used to frequent when I was a student at Chico State. It’s always fun to be new in a small town, even though you had actually lived there in the past. I spent my teenage years hanging around downtown Chico from time to time, but the places my teen self would go are gone. I spent five years of my twenties, my college years, going to bars and restaurants, and bookstores, and record stores, seeing bands, and running into people I knew, but those days are in the past. The places I used to frequent are gone or have changed. The bands are gone, and the friends are gone and the kids I knew have kids. Yet, this old bar named Duffy’s that catered to the theatre crowed was still there. It was there, but I was different. I moved and grew older. I sat for the sake of nostalgia, in this bar, where I spent one too many days during my spring finals, but it was as if I had never been there before.

The Entrance to Sierra National Forest picnic grounds. Red Bud.
Photo by Guy Hurst on Pexels.com

In the morning my friend said good-bye, and the reality of my actual life change hit. Although, only subtly because I had decided to stay with my mom and staying with her is like nothing has changed. I’ve been here for five day’s now, and tomorrow I will see an old friend, my oldest. A friend I met when we were eleven or twelve, and I will spend the night in my hometown of Paradise, and then on the eleventh we drive to San Francisco, and that is where things will begin to take hold. So, I did stay in Paradise after all.

The Golden Gate Bridge over the San Francisco Bay.
Photo by zahid lilani on Pexels.com

In San Francisco, I have that final step left to take before I get on the plane to China. My visa. It has been difficult getting my paperwork from China in order for me to apply for the visa, but it is all finally here waiting for me at a friend’s house in San Francisco.

Two days ago I felt fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of failure, fear of the plane flight, fear of being lost. Today is calm. Excitement hasn’t hit yet. Maybe, I don’t understand what I’m doing yet. I know I don’t understand because I don’t know what I’m doing.

What is the saying? I have no idea what is happening next and I’m excited about it.

I prefer the line from Sue’s favorite movie Almost Famous:

It’s all happening.